[Scene: Morning over Burbank. We slowly close in on the watertower.
Music: Morning, from Peer Gynt. (Whaddya expect, Tom Jones?!?)]
[Cut to watertower interior. Enter Dr. Scratchansniff.]
DR.SNS: Hey, kids! Fall is here, and you know what that means... It's
that
time again!
WAKKO: Time to paint our toenails purple?
DOT: Time to use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape??
YAKKO: No, it's time to learn today's lesson! [Pulls out the Wheel of
Morality.]
And the moral of today's story is--
DR.SNS: No! No morals! You're going to school!!
YAKKO: A school with no morals?! ...is it Harvard Law?
WAKKO: I wanna learn to be a politician!
DOT: Nah, I bet he means they passed the new "advanced" curriculum for
Health
Class.
DR.SNS: Nooo, it's a very fine school. Lots of morals.
YAKKO: Oh, so you're shipping us out of state.
WAKKO: School, hmh. [Makes a gookie.] Didn't we already do this
cartoon?
YAKKO: [Pulling up the corner of the screen to reveal a shot of an
abandoned,
cobwebbed a.t.a with a small heap of disused tins of luncheon meat
piled in the back corner.]
Well, it's not like anyone's here to remember it.
DOT: I seem to recall I looked very cute in my schoolgirl outfit.
WAKKO: [Frowning] You weren't wearing any schoolgirl outfit!
YAKKO: <Mwah!> Goodnight, everybody!
DR.SNS: [Sighing] Listen, you children haff to go to school so you can
learn
to read and write and solve differential equations and then you
can
grow up to be president, ja?
YAKKO: @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
I don't think they teach that sort of thing at school.
DR.SNS: Sure they do, they teach you all the letters and sounds, like "B"
is
for "bee" and they draw a "B" with wings on it, with the b-b-b---
WAKKO: [Shaking his head] Nope, they don't do that any more.
DOT: Yeah, now they just show you "word shapes" and make you guess at
what might fit the sentence.
DR.SNS: ...shapes?! That's--bu--wh--- [He turns and gives a sour look to
the
camera before turning back to the Warners.]
Ja, ja, you kids are very funny, always making with the jokes.
Yes,
we vill all learn about "word shapes", sure!
YAKKO: [Shrugging at his siblings] Well, he did say that's the way to
become
president!
[To Scratchansniff] Can I be class clown?
[Cut to Wakko, in full clown regalia and makeup. He gets a sulky
look
on his face as he wipes off the makeup and sheds the clown suit.]
DR.SNS: Oy! You can be the class photographer for all I care. It's just
a
way to get you out of my hair for a few hours each day.
WAKKO: [Crawling out of the back of Scratchansniff's shirt collar and
onto
his head] Out of your---
[Scratchy glares at him fiercely.]
Um, never mind.
DR.SNS: Besides, it's the law. All children have to attend approved
educational instruction for a minimum number of hours during ze
school year.
YAKKO: What are you talking about? I'm older than you are! And I speak
eighteen different languages!
"Es hora de Animania!
irre komisch mit 'nem Knacks;
Titshak kmo meshuga
Sure le rire pas de taxe--"
DR.SNS: OK, OK! Look, Mr. Plotz has already signed the papers, so just go
along with it, huh?
WAKKO: [Nodding pensively] Mr. Plotz sure does like signing papers.
YAKKO: I'll say. Look what I got him to sign last Tuesday!
[Flashes a sheaf of papers at the camera, showing "COMMITTAL FOR
INSTITUTIONALISATION RELEASE FORM" ...
"__Dr._Otto_Scratchansniff__"]
{Crazy, Crazy for feeling so lonely...}
[Dot & Wakko whoosh around in a blur wrapping the Doc in a
straitjacket]
YAKKO: [Staring at the papers] Plotzy really hasn't been the same since
he
started his new meds...
DR.SNS: [Muttering to himself] Mr. Fancy-Schmancy CEO! Had to go get
himself
a new doctor, the studio psychiatrist vasn't good enough for him,
oh,
nein!
MR. PUPPETHEAD: Why don't you try appealing to their better selves?
DR.SNS: Ja, good id-- hey! [Pan down to Wakko, operating Mr. Puppethead]
Dat is not a toy! [Rips off the jacket and grabs the puppet from
Wakko]
[Protesting weakly] ...It's an ego-displacement actualisation
tool!
DOT: [Blankly] Don't look at us, we've never even been to
kindergarten.
DR.SNS: So anyway, we will get you all to school, and you can learn all
sorts
of skills and grow up to apply your talents... to... changing the
world... [A wavy thought bubble fills the screen as
Scratchansniff
starts imagining the future grown-up Warner trio...]
[Giant Yakko, Wakko, and Dot are rampaging through the streets of
LA
like hyperactive Gollyzillas. Yakko is wearing a mortarboard and
monocle, pushing through the buildings and yakking on several
cell-
phones simultaneously; Wakko, wearing a tweed jacket with leather
patches, pulls a Palm Pilot out of his gag-bag to calculate anvil
trajectories; Dot sports an over-slinky business suit designed by
someone on .fandom and punctures the pavement with her high heels.
...Sounds like the perfect spot for a SONG BREAK to me!]
Y,W,D: Three little kids from school are we,
Somehow we passed our SAT;
Filled up our heads with sophistry.
Three grown-up kids from school!
YAKKO: Everything is a source of fun!
WAKKO: Our self-esteem's healthy, we care for none!
DOT: Like is a joke -- or perhaps a pun!
Y,W,D: Three bratty kids from school...
YAKKO: Three little kids fresh from the tutor's,
WAKKO: [Tearing down the street on a Vespa and running over some guy in a
fedora]
Now with a licence to ride scooters!
DOT: Think I can get work at a Hooters??
Y,W,D: Three youngish punks from school...
Three grown-up kids -- from school!
DR.SNS: Eeyipe!
Hoookay -- um, you know what? If the truant officer comes by,
we'll
just tell him you're being home-schooled. Why don't you kids
hibernate until spring?
DOT: [Shrugging] Works for me!
WAKKO: [Poutily] I don't wanna hibernate! I'm too tired!
YAKKO: @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
-- maybe we should've taken him up on the school thing
after all!
[Iris out]
-David "this post satisfies all FCC-mandated educational
requirements" Green
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