[Opening scene: morning, as illustrated by the good ol' theme of the
same name from Peer Gynt. The camera gently closes in on the
water
tower. Slow fade to the interior, where we see Wakko sitting at
the
breakfast table pouring himself an oversized-bowl of cereal. Dot
walks in from one side, curlers in her ears, while Yakko enters
from
the other side, rubbing his head on a towel.]
YAKKO: Happy birthday, Dot!
DOT: Happy birthday, Wakko!
WAKKO: Happy birthday, Yakko!
YAKKO: Happy birthday, Wakko!
WAKKO: Happy birthday, Dot!
DOT: Happy birthday, Yakko!
WAKKO: Happy birthday, Wakko! [Pulling a "Go Fish"]
DOT: Happy birthday, me! [Mugging cutely at herself in a hand-mirror]
YAKKO: Happy birthday, Scooby!
SCOOBY: Rrorwy rrr-wry!
[Pan quickly to the left, revealing Scooby Doo sitting at the end
of the table.]
Y,W,D: YAAAAAAAAGGGH!!!
[They jump into each other's arms, forming an awkward but
surprisingly round ball that bounces off-screen]
WAKKO: [Looking at his sibs] What's he doing here?
YAKKO: I don't know. I may have won him in a poker game with that guy
who
always wears the dark glasses and hood, but I can't remember.
DOT: You don't play poker!
YAKKO: That's probably why I can't remember it.
DOT: Well, he can't stay here! ...I'm allergic to dog hair. [Lets
out
a mammoth sneeze. Quite possibly voiced by Maurice LaMarche]
YAKKO: [Picking a cushion off the couch and looking at it
disapprovingly]
And there's already hair all over everything! What a re-molting
development.
WAKKO: [Sheepishly] Uh, I think that's mine...
YAKKO: Have you been spinning on your head again? [Whips off Wakko's
cap
to reveal a shiny polished bald spot and winces]
DOT: How many times do we have to tell you break-dancing is dead!?
WAKKO: [Obstinately] It'll come back! [He turns huffily and folds his
arms] At least I'm not wearing bell-bottoms!
YAKKO: Hey! They're not bell-bottoms! ...I just need wide cuffs to fit
my feet through.
Anyway, what are going to do about that slobbering Great Dane?
BORGE: I will haff you know I do not slobber, thank you very much. I
may
spray a little when I do "Phonetic Punctuation", but if you're
too
cheap to pay for box seats, management cannot be held
responsible.
[The sibs all push Victor off-screen and go back to eyeing their
canine interloper from the far end of the room]
WAKKO: I hear happiness is a warm puppy! [Reaching into his wacky
sack.]
YAKKO: I really can't imagine him as a puppy. [Wakko shrugs and puts
the
barbeque back in his bag.] Why in dog years, [counting on his
fingers] he must be 160 by now! [Holding up 160 fingers]
WAKKO: So no teaching him new tricks? [He turns behind him and waves
away
the Lovely Assistants with the shiny rings and swords and
elaborately-constructed boxes of nefarious types]
DOT: I just hope he's paper-trained!
[Cut to Scooby Doo reading a newspaper that's lying on the
kitchen
table, apparently the comics page because he's chuckling to
himself]
SCOOBY: Ruh-huh-huh! Rhat Rarmaruke!!
[Next scene: Plotz's office]
SCELECKETARY: [Over the intercom] Mr. Plotz! The Warner Brothers are
here!
DOT: [Over the intercom] And the Warner Sister!
[Plotz blanches, grabs some pills from his top desk drawer, and
downs the lot. He quickly dons a goalie mask and starts
brandishing
his chair in a lion-tamerly way]
PLOTZ: Tell them I'm not in! Tell them I'm in a meeting! Tell them I
moved to Fox!
[As he's speaking, the siblings quietly enter and seat themselves
in chairs near the back of the room]
Y,W,D: Good morning, Mr. Plotz!
PLOTZ: [Desperately] Go away! [He seems confused... he looks over his
shoulder, then over his other shoulder, then between his legs and
in
his desk drawers and out the window at the passing hot-air
balloon.
The Warners just smile innocently. And, naturally, showing a lot
of
teeth.]
You're not-- you're still sitting-- you're too--- [A crafty look
dawns on his face] You want something! What do you want?!
YAKKO: @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
-- it's more what we *don't* want...
[Scooby Doo comes bounding into the office and leaps up on Plotz,
knocking him to the ground and starts panting in his face.
Scooby
Doo. In Plotz's face. Not the other way around. In case you
were
wondering.]
PLOTZ: Get this thing off me!
YAKKO: Well, since you two seem to be getting along so well, we'll just
let
ourselves out--- [The sibs start out of the room]
PLOTZ: Get back in here! [He stops, slightly stunned, and turns to the
camera] I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
[To the trio] Now that Time-Life-Warner-AOL-Featherington-Smith-
Jones Esq. III has acquired Turner-MGM-Hanna-Barbera-CNN-PDQ-ATA,
this mutt is a Warner Bros. star, and I've designated you as his
handlers.
YAKKO: But--but-- we can't look after a, uh, big star like that! We can
barely look after ourselves! We can barely *dress* ourselves!!
DOT: I've been wearing the same outfit since 1930!
WAKKO: I'm not wearing any pants!
PLOTZ: Yes, yes, now run along and take the dog with you. Go make one
of
your little cartoons.
DOT: We can't act with him! His acting is flat, and uninspired!
YAKKO: HE'S flat and uninspired!
WAKKO: And he has fleas!
SCOOBY: Rr roo rot!
WAKKO: [Turning to Scooby Doo] Really? Want some of mine?
PLOTZ: [Aside to Yakko and Dot] He understands what that creature is
saying?
DOT: Sure! ...he's a very smart for a dog!
YAKKO: [Defiantly] We're not gonna do it. If we don't keep our show up
to
pre-1960 animation standards, we'll never win another Sherman
award!
PLOTZ: You don't have a show any more.
YAKKO: [Rubbing his chin thoughtfully] Hm. That explains the lack of
scripts.
DOT: I just thought we switched to a reality-show format.
WAKKO: Reality??
PLOTZ: Now, you can leave! It's time to walk the dog -- and make sure
he
stays on his leash!
[Walking across the lot from Plotz's office, they pass a crowd of
Looney Tunes characters assembling for a merchandising photo]
DAFFY: They'd better not try to make uth wear those baggy clotheth and
jewellery and whatever lame fad is going around this year!
BUGS: Ehhh... don't get worked up, Doc. --It's easier for them to
Photoshop that stuff in during post-production!
[Suddenly pointing] Hey, look! Larry Doyle!!
[Porky starts and looks all over spasmodically while Daffy jumps
into his arms and starts sucking his thumb]
BUGS: Just kidding. Eh-ha-ha-hah! Ain't I a stinker?
PHOTOGRAPHER: OK, everyone, watch the birdie!
TWEETY: [Nervously eyeing Sylvester eyeing him] I wish he'd ttop taying
dat!
[The Warners are chasing Scooby by just as the flash goes off for
the picture. Cut to a shot of the photo showing Scooby Doo
posing
with a cheesy grin alongside the rest of the old-timers]
WAKKO: Uh-oh.
YAKKO: Don't worry, WB would never produce merchandise with Looney Tunes
and
H-B characters mixed in together!
[The Warners lead Scooby Doo to Dr. Scratchansniff's waiting
room]
Y & W: [Leaning over the reception desk] Helloooooo, Nurse!!
[They start chasing Hello Nurse down the hallway. Every couple
of
seconds, the same desk/background setup flashes by. After
several
minutes of this, the brothers start to slow down and pant]
YAKKO: How long is this hall, anyway?
[Cut to a long shot down the hallway, showing a seemingly endless
corridor filled with repeating desks every few feet. Hello Nurse
is
running into the distance, a barely visible speck far down the
length of the hall.]
DOT: Ooh, how very M.C.--
WAKKO: Hammer?
YAKKO: Escher.
DOT: Gesundheit!
[The Warners and Scooby Doo enter Dr. Scratchansniff's office]
YAKKO: You gotta help us, Doc!
DR. S: I've been trying for years...
DOT: [Rolling her eyes for the camera] He's trying, all right!
DR. S: Who's this?
YAKKO: [Sarcastically] Our new Best Friend.
WAKKO: He needs help!
DOT: P-sychiatric help!
YAKKO: He's got lots of phobias...
DOT: ...ghosts, goblins, ghouls...
WAKKO: ...vampires, werewolves, witches...
YAKKO: ...sasquatches, diet plans, monsters...
DOT: ...headless horsemen, giant insects...
WAKKO: ...bathing...
SCOOBY: Rhat repirode rof Rarvey Rirdran!
DOT: [Taking his paw soothingly] There, there.
DR. S: [Frowning] How can you understand that dog?
YAKKO: We're used to Wakko talking with his mouth full.
DOT: OK, Baskerville [patting Scooby on the head], we'll just leave
you
in Scratchy's capable care. [Heading towards the door]
WAKKO: Be sure to take your time! [Following her]
YAKKO: Only the best for a big star like him! [The three siblings
assuming
a running pose, ready to zip out of the office, but Dr.
Scratchansniff does a three-frame quick-step and blocks the door]
DR. S: Now vait a minute. You vant psychiatric help for a dog?
YAKKO: C'mon, doc! This *is* L.A.!
DR. S: Ja -- my pet sessions are booked up for months! [Tapping his
chin]
Maybe I can squeeze in an hour in a few weeks, between Michael
Jackson's monkey and Paris Hilton's weasel... But in the
meantime,
you'll just have to look after him. Now run along, my next
appointment is due! [Ushering them all out of his office]
YAKKO: But--!
DOT: But--!
WAKKO: Butt--!
[Just then Freakazoid sticks his head around the door]
FREAKY: Hi, Doc! I'm here for my daily Valium refill!
DR. S: See, now there you go, kids, you have to leave now!
[They exit with Scooby, as Freakazoid wheels in a barrel-sized
pill
bottle on a dolly.]
[Fade to the platform on the water tower. Scooby Doo goes
inside]
YAKKO: Well, here we are.
WAKKO: I guess there's only one thing to do.
DOT: [Sighing] I'll hate myself in the morning!... Nah, I'm too
cute!
[The sibs jump down from the tower, push back the false front to
reveal a rocket]
YAKKO: 3!
WAKKO: 2!
DOT: 1!
Y,W,D: Blast off! [The rocket soars into the stratosphere]
YAKKO: I'm sure a nice family will find him somewhere in a Kansas
cornfield
and give him a good home.
[Elsewhere on the studio lot, a lanky clown looks up at the noise
of the departing rocket]
CLOWN: Freudeschaden!!! [A happy tear in his eye] That could've been
meeEE!
[Zoom out to show a Mime standing behind the Clown and struggling
to hoist an invisible 16-ton weight with an invisible rope just
as
Wile E. Coyote comes walking between the two of them. Suddenly
the
invisible rope slips out the Mime's hands, crashing the invisible
weight down upon the hapless Clown and -- since the invisible
rope
had tangled around his leg -- sending the Mime flying up in the
air
and then down on top of the invisible weight on top of the Clown]
CLOWN: oooOOuffF!
MIME: !!!
[Meanwhile, dodging nimbly, Wile E. Coyote has dextrously avoided
the slightest hint of mischief. The camera holds on him as if
waiting for something to happen. Wile E. notices this, stops,
raises an eyebrow, and looks at the camera]
COYOTE: [Holds up a sign that reads: WHAT? I'M OFF THE CLOCK!]
[Cut back to the Warners inside their tower: Yakko flops on the
couch, Wakko heads for the kitchen, and Dot sits at the desk]
DOT: Well, I guess that takes care of that.
WAKKO: Another great plan by us!
YAKKO: It's not rocket science! ...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
-- actually, I guess it was!
[The computer on the desk beeps. The sibs all look at the screen
to see the new message that's come in]
From: Steven Pudner <tronguy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2006 15:24:59 -0800
Subject: Re: CRGA for "The Thirteen Years of Scooby Doo"
Organization: Fifi Fan Club
>>dog's name was Laika and survived in the satellite for
>Also, Yakko's comment about sending Scooby's rocket to a
>field in Kansas is probably a reference to the location of
Actually, pets have been known to find their way home across
very great distances. A recent story recounts a collie who
escaped hundreds of miles across Scotland and back into
England to return to her former owners.
And the rocket-behind-the-fake-tower thing's been done.
Y,W,D: Oh, no! [groaning]
[The three go out on the platform and look down. Sure enough,
Scooby Doo is on his hind legs against the tower, barking up at
the
Warners. They slide down and find some commotion going on
involving
a creature straight out of "Steven Spielberg Presents: the War of
the Worlds". The alien was apparently tripped and bound, with
four
youngsters standing over it]
DAPHNE: ... by impersonating real aliens on the loose, in order to scare
everyone off the studio lot and be free to buy up the land and
open
a yarn shop!
[Scooby continues barking]
SCOOBY: Rrowrf! Rrockret!! [Yapping and pointing at the Warners]
SHAGGY: [Scratching Scooby under his chin] Ha-ha! All right, Scoob!
You
helped too. Credit where credit is due!
FRED: That's right -- we would have never figured it out if Scooby
hadn't
clued us in about the fake rocket!
[Scooby Doo shakes his head and growls -- he strains towards the
siblings, but Shaggy is absent-mindedly holding on to his collar]
DOT: [Fluttering her eyelashes at Fred] Hellooooo, Beau Brummel! [A
look of panic flashes across Fred's face]
[She leaps up to jump into his arms, but at that moment Scooby
breaks free of Shaggy's grasp and lunges at the Warners.]
SHAGGY: Scooby Doo! Where are you
going?!
DOT: MWAH! [She opens her eyes to discover that she's just kissed
Scooby
Doo] AAUUUUGH! My lips have touched dog lips!!! Get some
iodine!
VELMA: Now to see who's really behind this!
[She bends over the alien suit and pulls it open to reveal...]
BRAIN: Actually, we are a pair of genetically-engineered laboratory mice
hoping to exploit Hollywood's global influence to try to take
over
the world.
PINKY: And we would have done it to, if it weren't for you meddling
kids!
And their dog! [Pointing over at the Warners and Scooby Doo]
BRAIN: Actually, Pinky, our plan was already foiled because Tom Cruise
went
insane, thanks to your endless prattling about drugs and other
outlandish ideas.
PINKY: Oh, no, Brain. If there's one thing television has taught me,
it's
that using drugs is always wrong ... during prime-time. And
practically mandatory after midnight and on the Independent Film
Channel.
BRAIN: Enough, Pinky! I grow weary of this foolishness.
PINKY: Ooh, don't let Xenu hear you talking like that! ...You know
dangerous she can be with that slicey-frisbee thing when she
gets mad at someone!
BRAIN: [Rolling his eyes] We can hide in the lab as we prepare for
tomorrow night.
PINKY: Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night? --Open a
yarn
shop?!?
FRED & DAPHNE & VELMA & SHAGGY: [Singing] Unmasked vill-ainy, They're
Pinky
and the Brain-brain-brain-y!
YAKKO: Well, now that that's settled, we can all go home!
WAKKO: Bye, Scooby! [Rubs him on the back]
DOT: [Waving] Bye, gang!
[They turn to leave]
FRED: Hang on, you three! You'll have to take Scooby with you.
DAPHNE: Now that we're employed again, we can afford a groovy penthouse
apartment.
SHAGGY: No pets allowed! [Patting Scooby Doo on the head] Sorry, Scoob.
VELMA: So the studio arranged for 24/7 on-site care for him.
DOT: That's easy for the studio to say!
YAKKO: Studio, hmm -- that gives me an idea! [A light bulb goes on over
his head. Then off. Then on again. Then off, then on...]
[Quick-pan over to Wakko, who is idly flipping the light switch
on
and off]
WAKKO: Sorry! All this exposition was boring me....
[Fade out]
[Fade in to the next scene: once again, we hear the familiar
strains
of "Morning" from Peer Gynt. The camera slowly closes in on a
typical family dwelling. Dissolve to the bedroom interior, where
a man is sleeping, unaware of the suspicious animal-headed lump
underneath the sheets next to him. He wakes up, stretches,
yawns,
and pulls back the sheet--]
TOM RUEGGER: Aaaaaaaaggghhh!!! [He leaps out of bed. Scooby Doo also
jumps
back and starts howling.]
[Cut to a shot into the bedroom from outside through the window.
The camera slowly pulls back, lazily rising up in the sky while
keeping centred on the receding house below. We hear the sound
of
three young children running into the bedroom]
KID 1: Wow, a dog!
KID 2: You've been hiding him here!
KID 3: Can we keep him?!
RUEGGER: Quiet, boys, I have to think.
KIDS: Ah, c'mon, can we keep him? Please? Pleeese?!?
RUEGGER: Now settle down. Stop jumping on the bed! No-- hey-- don't
pester
me like that! And don't pull his ears! Or his tail! Look, all
of
you-- HEY!-- Now I don't want to hear another peep out of any of
you!!
KIDS: Peep! peep! peep! peep! peep! peep! peep! peep! peep!
RUEGGER: [Moaning] What'd I do to deserve this??
[Iris out]
-David "it's my lucky number"
Green
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