It being an anniversary for this one...And another in the works...
"Reckless Love..."
A Hell's Public Service Hygiene Film...
Brought to you by the First's Council for a more Hygienic Hell...
PG-13
Disclaimer: All BTVS characters remain the property of Heinrich Nast,
Mutant Enemy, all other owner/creators of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer
series...Including some guy name Josh, er Joss...
Archived at the Buffy Rebecca-verse,
www.geocities.com/buffyrebecca/RLP.html"
(click the "roll film" link at bottom)...
Summary: A cautionary lesson for the young demon about to visit
Earth...
Play Main Theme:"Falling in Love Again..."
For Anya... (Hey, even the First can sympathize...)
A packed auditorium in Hell Training Center #5...Where Hell's best
receive their final training before going topside...
Blaring, raggedy music plays...A flickering movie appears on the
screen stretching to the floor of the main stage...
"Reckless Love..." the title boldly, if jerkily proclaims... "A
Cautionary Tale for Young Demons Bound for Earth..."
Starring...
The crowd cheers as the name "Spike..." with a spike drawn underneath
appears...
Below it... "Heinrich Nast, the Master...As 'the
Master'...Angelus...As 'Angelus/Angel'..." Boo!...At the Angel...
To the opposite side of the screen...
"Sarah Mich...." the film too grainy to read... "As 'Buffy'..." Ya,
Baby!!...Several female demons whacking their cheering mates...
"Colin, the Anointed One...As 'the Anointed One'..."
"Sarah Bernhardt as 'Halfreck'...Ronald Reagan as 'Giles'..."
As these names fade...
"And Doug Mc Clure...As 'Xander'..."
At the corner of the stage, watching with the Master, Colin eyes the
screen...Doug McClure?...
"He cried in the First's office, she couldn't bear it, had to throw
him a bone..." Nast shrugged...
In large type... "And your Narrator...The First Evil..."
The lovely Buffy face of the First appears...Looking a bit weary,
perhaps...
"Hello...I am the First Evil..." Ya, ya!...Hoooga!!...Love ya
baby!!...Cheers from the audience... The figure on screen steps off,
out into view as a standing...Glaring...Form...The catcalls cease and
desist...As do several louder members of the
audience...Permanently...
"Right..." she steps back into the screen... "As I was sayin', I am
the First Evil...Welcome young demons about to depart for that den of
iniquity, Earth...Once our beloved home, now despoiled and overrun
with short-lived, filthy primates who think space flight and nukes are
a big deal..."
"You are the nucleus of the army that will one day...Maybe...Regain
that dear planet for our own...Despite our recent setbacks, I continue
to believe in our kind's coming triumph...Hell, we're still kicking in
a manner of speakin', right?..." YA!...YA!!..." Shut-up!...she
glared...But resumed composure like the born Leader she was...
"Soon you will pass through the Hell portal...Now currently situated
in the exciting and lovely city of Cleveland, Ohio...And join our
scouts and raiders in acquiring recruits and information that
will...We continue to faintly hope...One day prove decisive in our
battle to reclaim our lost world..."
"You have been trained...Tested...Both in battle and in the skills you
will need to melt into the human world ...For years...You are our
best, our cream dela creme...(oh, God no...she sighed, eyeing the
bunch...Dregs of the dregs)...However there is one area in which you
have not yet been trained...Possibly an area you would never have
conceived a need for training and preparation in..."
Yet an area...In which the unwary young demon might easily meet his or
her...Doom...she gave a somber look...
"Yes...I am talking about..."
SEX!!!....One foolhardy...And probably drunken...Young fellow
roared...
"Right!...Something which you will never have again!..." she glared at
him...As he was quickly blasted to goo by energy beams from the
ceiling...
"But not the sex which forms such an essential part of a demon's
existence..." she calmly continued as imps cleared away the mess...
"The love a normal, healthy...Corporeal (damn)...Demon experiences for
his or her mate(s)...But the unhealthy, fevered, just plain wrong,
damnit!...Lust an unwary demon may come to experience...For a human
mortal..."
Eeheww!!!...A general cry spread...
"For a filthy, short-lived primate..." she shook her head...Oh, the
shame...
"Not that some of them can't be kinda hot...Like for instance..." she
beamed...
You male guys can do the 'Ya, baby!' now...she glared...
Ya, baby!!...Enough, she waved a hand...
"Oh you reckless young demons with your fast cars, powerful spells,
and insane lusts for human mortals..." she shook her head sadly...
You've no conception of the horrible fate which can befall even the
most innocent of us when among these humans...Subject to
their...Wiles...
"Let take the case of this fine young demon..." Spike's human image in
duster comes on the screen...
Ayyyy!...
"Yes..." she nodded... "The famed Spike...Hero of our kind for a
century...Destroyer of Slayers..."
Brought low by his own folly in loving...A human...
Oh!...Gasps throughout the room...
"This rather hot form, actually..." she grinned, waving a hand to
indicate herself...
"And this sweet thing...A champion vengeance demon..." Anyanka's face
appears...Anya form next to her in a split image...
Likewise a fool for love...she shook her head...
Human love...
"Let us view their grim fates...And heed them..."
***
LONDON, 1885...(A screen subtitle reads...)
Cut to shot of Angelus lecturing his dear grandoffspring on the perils
of associating with...Humanity...
"Avoid the Slayer like Death my grandson...For despite her beauty, to
our kind, she is just that...Seeking to suck out the lifeforce that
flows immortally within you..."
"Yes, Master Angelus...Oh noble grandsire, I shall forever heed your
words of wisdom..." Spike nods...
"Of course I wouldn't pass on a one-night stand with one of them..."
Angelus notes... "Providing no stakes are in hand...And you're
sleeping on the non-sunrise facing side..."
***
SUNNYDALE, CALIFORNIA 1997...
(Here's my part...Colin beams at the screen from his seat by the
Master...)
A smiling, heavily made-up Colin welcomes the new arrival to the
Sunnydale clan... "Welcome, brother Spike...Welcome with all our
hearts..."
"Nice to be here...I understand you lot have..." dramatic pause...
"Slayer problems..."
Yes...Colin's face falls...Darkening... "The fiendish Slayer has
killed my second father, our beloved 'Master', Heinrich Nast...She's
murdered dozens of our people...I have heard...That you, Spike...Have
rescued us from this curse before...Can you help us now?..."
"Show me your Slayer..."
But...Spike...Colin notes... "She is both
deadly...And...Beautiful...Are you sure you can deal with
her...Wiles?..."
"The Slayer's not born who could deflect me from my duty, my little
mate...Leave this menace to me..."
"I must trust in your strength of purpose..." Colin sighs... "For I am
but a more or less defenceless and innocent boy...Only the love of our
people making me strong..."
You won't mention that to the Slayer...Will you?...he eyes Spike...
"Certainly not..."
Cut to battle scene...Spike fighting a heavily made-up, pancaked-faced
pale 'Buffy'...Nobly, of course...A coarse, shrieking overweight
'Joyce', likewise in heavy pancake makeup, charges in behind him,
heavily armed...And opens up...He is forced to retreat, gallantly
carrying off two wounded comrades...But turns back to give a gallant
good-bye to the rather impressive young Slayer...
She eyes him...And in a dark moment...He is on the road to
destruction...
"Nice fight, Spike...See you again...Real soon..." she grins... "Hey
and I'd bet a strong, handsome guy like you could be leader of the
demons in this town...Right?..."
"That sure would...Impress me..." she beams as he stares at her...And
is dragged to safety by his comrades...
See ya, blonde-boy...she waves...
Cut to scene of Colin being destroyed...
"But Spike!..." Dru cries in horror as he hoists the revered ex-leader
to a sunny death... "Are you sure this is the right thing to do...And
that you're doing it for me...?"
Arrrgghh...Colin screams piteously... (Colin in the audience covering
his eyes as the Master pats his head...Poor kid... "I was good,
no...?" he beams, looking up...)
"Yeah, yeah, Dru...All for you..." he nods...Waving her off...
But she can see...Clairvoyantly...And even in her deranged
state...That another has claimed his black heart...
***
The Master appears on screen... "Yes..." he sighs... "That was the
beginning of the noble Spike's turn from the fold..."
His slide to disaster was quick...And horrible...Aided by fiendish
operatives of the US government...
Spike and 'Buffy' on Patrol...
"But...Slayer...How can you ask me to kill my own kind?...With this
chip in my head I cannot oppose you...But...Surely...There is a better
way..."
"Spppikke...Want sex?..." A seductive beam...
"Lets get those foul fiends of the night!...Quickly..."
***
"Even to the betrayal of his siress and vampiral lover...She who first
brought him the Gift of Immortality..." The Master shakes his head...
(Good?...Nast eyes Colin where they sit...Mmmn...Not Academy
level...Colin shrugs...But for an amateur...Not bad at all... "Say,
who's doing the nutcase...?" "Darla..." the Master replies...
"Uncredited as punishment for Connor and all..." Just so...Colin
solemnly nods... "Good job though...")
Let us see...And heed...He waves a hand...The screen darkens, then
lights again and we find ourselves in a dank lair...
'Drusilla', chained to a post as Spike menaces her with a
knife...Actually less pale with the makeup than usual...A scruffy-slut
'Buffy' leering, egging him on...
"Oh, Spike...How can you threaten me like this...Your loving
Drusilla...How can he, Miss Edith?..." she turns to her doll...
See...She's nuts...Better off dust... 'Buffy' sneers...
"Please, Spike...For the sake of what we Immortal lovers once meant to
each other...Fight the baleful influence of this blonde vixen..."
"It is too late Drusilla...I am ruddy well lost to the power of her
incredible sexuality...No doubt stemming from her short life span..."
"Oh...Spike..." 'Dru' sighs...
"Eh, leave her..." 'Buffy' sneers again... "I got vamps to dust, I'll
kill her for a thrill some other time..."
"Farewell, pet...Think of me with forbearance every so often..." he
calls as they leave...
"Was he talking to you or me, Miss Edith?..." the chained 'Dru' eyes
Miss Edith...
***
"Then..." Colin appears on screen...
"The final horror...Spike took the one act that is beyond the pale..."
He had sex with the Slayer?...A voice calls...We want details!!...
("Hey..." Colin rises from his seat... "I'm only a kid...Watch your
mouth, you sob!!...")
"He journeyed to the Heart of Darkness...In search of that which must
forever be forbidden...That which cuts one off completely from the
warm bosom of our kind..."
Bosom!...Bosom!!...A call in the audience... "Hey...!" The First
reappears on screen... "Damn well let the kid finish, ok!..."
"He..." on screen Colin pauses dramatically...
Yes?!!...Yes, yes?!!...
"Demanded and won the return of his...Soul..."
No....Jaws drop...
"All for love of his human Slayer..."
Whoa...
"And what was his...Restored human William as well our lost brother
Spike...Reward?..."
Sex?...One young fellow rather innocently calls...
Cut to the Hellmouth cavern...A pleading, winsome First begging Spike
not to betray their kind...For the last time...
"I can be the woman you love in her, William...And lots more
compassionate...Did I leave you alone in that basement?...No way..."
(That's me doing the First...The First notes to Colin, having
materialized in the seat next to him... "Nice job..." he
nods...Thanks...she beams...He eyes the Master, rolling eyes...)
But the fiendish Slayer urges him on ...To destruction...The great
battle for Earth is lost...
Temporarily of course...
"Bufffffyyy..." he calls out as destruction begins to claim him... "A
word of comfort before I go...Please..."
"Hey...I gotta cut on my side...And we've got a mall to find...Don't
bother me now, Spike..." 'Buffy' stalks off...Pausing just a moment...
"Besides...I still think Angel's kinda cute...Gutless as he was in
this one...See ya...Sucker..." she sneers...Heading for the surface...
Colin shakes his head sadly...
Gee...That coulda been me...one young fellow shakes his head... (Yeah,
right...the listening First nudges Colin in their seats...)
On screen Colin continues...
"But let us see the fate of another of our poor tormented kind...Who
also dared love a human...And was repaid...In the usual human way..."
***
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