"Reckless Love...A Hell's Public Service Hygiene Film..."
PG-13
Part II...
The First resumes the Narrative...The young demons watching the screen
intently...
"Here we see the famed Anyanka, champion of justice...For one thousand
years..."
Anyanka is seen walking through Sunnydale...Actually portrayed by the
First in a brunette wig...
A voluntary recruit to our ranks...After her betrayal by her human
mate...One of her own (former) kind...the First's voice over solemnly
notes...
"Granted Power, Immortality, Eternal Youth and Beauty at her soul's
free choice, through the benevolent intercession of D'Hoffryn, Lord of
Vengeance..."
D-H!!...D-H!!!...Cheers erupt as D'Hoffryn's kindly visage appears for
a brief moment...
"An unparalleled career success story...A justice demon selfless to a
fault...Devoted to her calling..."
Shot down like a duck in a single, unguarded instant of weakness...she
sighs...We see on the screen, First/Anyanka eyeing... 'Xander'...An
aging but still hip and cool Doug McClure in the role...Swaggering
through the streets...
"By one on the rebound from that very same Slayer...Among several
other human females who'd dumped him...Who was even then leading our
Spike to destruction..."
"Hey..." 'Anyanka' having taking 'Anya' form greets 'Xander'... "You
seem down, fellow high school classmate Alexander...Can I perhaps
offer comfort and assistance?...In a form far superior that which a
normal girl could?..."
Oops...Must never reveal my secret identity now that I am powerless
due to the lamentable destruction of my pendant...We hear her
thinking...Must focus on recovering my power and resuming my noble
career avenging the helpless and the wronged...
Hmmn...
But he is so cute and obviously would never harm me in any way...
"Yeah, baby...I'm a little down...But it's just temporary..." 'Xander'
sneers... "No woman is ever gonna bring Alexander L. Harris to his
knees...Unless of course it's a sure path to sex..."
Alexander L. Harris...We hear 'Anyanka' thinking... Oh, be still my
aching, thousand-year old heart...I must be strong...
Still, sex on one's knees...Hmmn, sounds...No, I must be strong...she
thinks firmly...Walking along with him...
"They think I won't have a date for the prom..." our greying, slightly
paunchy 'Xander' fumes... "I'll show 'em...Heartless...Cruel..."
Hmmn...Anyanka's warm heart is clearly touched as she eyes the
human...Hmmn...We hear her thinking... 'Prom'?...Ah, yes...The
ceremonial celebration of the human mating ritual though bizarre
movement...All the other...Human...Girls were talking about going...
OH!...They're not accepting his invitation to attend?...How could even
human females be so cruel?...she eyes 'Xander'...Now trying to affect
a nonchalant, devil-may-care attitude...
And I could give him such good pointers on how the devil would care...
And...This 'prom' would be an excellent place for me to seek new
assignments for the time when I have recovered my abilities ...Many
young females sure to be wronged and suffering...
And...She eyes 'Xander'...
Poor guy is so damned puppy-dog cute...And looks sexually
capable...More or less...
"Ummn...Xander?...You know..." she smiles at him... "I'd really like
to go to the prom..."
Yeah...? 'Xander' eyes her coolly...Looking her over...
"And I have the necessary funds to purchase admission..." she raises
her purse...
Hmmn..."Yeah, you're kinda hot...You'll do...Yeah..." he nods...
"You're my girl...For this week, at least..."
An innocent demon, pure of heart...Offering herself recklessly to the
cruel and pitiless human world...The First's voice over resumes...
"Another demon heart...Dead On Arrival..."
("She's good as 'Anyanka', don't you think?..." Nast eyes Colin from
his seat... "I'd give her an eight..." Colin nods...)
***
"Our poor Anyanka was all too soon drawn into the sordid world of
lust, murder, and occasionally stylish clothes that is the Slayer...By
the man who claimed to... 'Love'...her..."
But whose false heart in fact was already pledged to the fiend of all
Demonkind...
"C'mon, Anya...Buffy needs us to help slaughter defenseless newborn
demons!!...GET A MOVE, ON, you brain-dead tramp...!!!"
Coming dearest... 'Anya' drags her battered body...Exhausted by
physical abuse and unnatural...Strain... To the door...
"But...Honey?..."
"What, what!!...Are you questioning me again?!...Questioning
Buffy?!...NO ONE QUESTIONS BUFFY!!! No one!!!...Understand, you former
demonic bimbo?!!..."
It's just the years of hideous abuse by human parents talking...she
loyally thinks to herself...We hearing...Still...I must make a faint
plea for friends and former colleagues...
"Xander, honey?...Must we kill them before trying to talk to
them...Perhaps if we asked them what they want...Negotiated
peacefully...?"
"The ONLY GOOD DEMON IS A DUSTED OR DISEMBOWELED DEMON!!!...How many
times does Buffy have to tell you that?!...Moron!..."
Less of course she's having sex with him...And is enjoying it
sufficiently...he carefully notes...
"Now get out there and help Buffy kill your old friends and adopted
family!..."
"Xander?...You know sometimes I almost think you're only using me and
my specialized knowledge of demons to get closer to Buffy..."
I almost think...A pensive look... You don't really love me...And I
should return to my own people...
"An...Baby..." 'Xander' glibly... (Trust Doug McClure to get that glib
just right...the First beams to Colin...Hmmn...
"Doesn't she like me anymore?..." Colin hisses sadly to the Master as
the First turns away...)...replies... "You're the only one for me...If
you keep your trap shut and don't ask your usual dumb questions..."
Yes, Xander...she sighs...
(Poor kid...I'll eat the face off that bastard...A young male fumes at
'Xander' on screen...)
Sensing her continuing hesitation, 'Xander' cuts to the chase...Using
the magic word...
"Sex, An...?"
Ohhhhh...she stares at him, suddenly weak in the knees...(Colin eyeing
the First...Very...Realistic...he hisses...Thanks, she beams... "Never
having had sex I kinda had to imagine...")
Yes...Please...Oh...Wait!...she struggles desperately with her
conscience...
To murder my own (adopted) people...Those who welcomed me and
sheltered me when the mortal world turned dark and cold...To kill them
remorselessly now...For love of my beloved ...We hear her
think...Oh...
She eyes the waiting, leering Xander...Hmmn...Did he say...Sex?...
"OOOOH!...Sweet mystery of life!...At last I've found
you!....OOOOOH!!...Sweet mystery of life at last you're mine!!..."
(Sex must be nice...the First sighed sadly...Colin patting...Well
trying to pat...her...Sympathetically...)
***
"She likewise fell prey to the vicious and material human world..."
Cut to shot of Ronald Reagan as 'Giles'...With 'Anya' at the Magic
Box...
"But Giles...Are we to actually charge others for the vital
information and magical aids we can offer a tormented world?...I
thought we sought no reward..."
"Kid...In the human world there is only one rule...Screw the other
guy..." 'Giles' solemnly notes...
"And the essential freedom is the right to make a buck..."
Oh...she eyes the pieces of green paper...The said 'bucks'...Which
possess a fatal lure all their own for humans...
Thus a pure and noble demon was corrupted from her former
selflessness...
"Hey, baby...Did ever tell you how I single-handedly liberated the
concentration camps during World War II?..." 'Giles' leers at
'Anya'...
***
"And then...Harsh reality came crashing down on poor Anyanka...But
offering a chance of escaping her grim fate..."
Cut to wedding party scene...
"Xander!!!..." 'Anya' cries... (I look damn hot in wedding dress,
don't I?...The First eyed Colin, then the Master beside him...Oh,
yeah...Colin nodded...Eyeing and shrugging at the Master... "How the
hell would I know...I never got to puberty...?" he hissed to Nast who
waved a cautious hand..)...
"Don't go!!.Don't humiliate me like this in front of friends and
family!!!...Especially when they've all agreed to a truce...Even the
members of yours with each other..."
Gotta be a free spirit, babe... 'Xander' shrugged...Ciao...
Hey there...Buffy...he eyed 'Buffy' in bridesmaid gown... "What, no
Spike?..."
"Dumped him...Til I need him again for a battle...He was gettin' too
clingy, ya know...You, uh...Not going through with the ankle bracelet
ceremony?..."
"Nah...Too confinin' for a free spirit like me..."
"I been Spikeless for thirty minutes...Ya wanna go have sex?..."
"I'm with you, babe..."
Xander...? 'Anya' calls forlornly...Her dress limp and dragging behind
her...
"Patrol in two hours, Anya..." 'Buffy' calls back... "Have your demon-
sensitive butt over by then..."
"And look at this poor demon, just murdered in cold blood by 'Xander'
on the floor...His claim...That he was 'protecting' her from an enemy
seeking revenge?...Yeah, right..." the First's voice-over sighs as the
camera closes on a group with Anya round the murder victim...
"But at last, a noble rage had begun to flame in Anyanka's heart...And
with the kindly aid of the noble D'Hoffryn...Always ready to welcome a
prodigal daughter back into the fold...She resumed her career..."
But, alas...All too briefly...
***
"Naturally the Slayer was enraged that a former voluntary demon should
reassert her independent spirit...And nobly defy her..."
Cut to scene of 'Buffy' shoving a sword through 'Anyanka'... (Here's
where my noncorporeality came in real handy...the First noted to
Colin...)
"But sadly...Although she was far too powerful and noble for even a
Slayer to kill..." Cut to shot of 'Buffy' cowering as 'Anyanka' pulls
the sword out, a defiant look in her eye... 'Xander' whimpering in a
corner... "Her compassionate heart could not allow her to resume a
career that occasionally must needs inflict a certain degree of just
suffering on humans...And it was not long before her addiction to
human love was played on once again by the fiendish enemy of all
Demonkind..."
Cut to shot of a raging 'Buffy' facing 'Xander'...
"Get that bitch back on the team, Harris!...I need her abilities to
complete the destruction of all that is holy to Demonity...Do it
'Xander'...Or no sex!!..."
He gulps...
"And I kill you!!..."
Hmmn...Well, sex with An wasn't so bad...we hear him thinking...And I
can always get 'em back...
"No problem, your Slayerness..." he nods, swaggering out...
"And, sadly...It wasn't..." the First's voice-over notes...
"Though Anyanka fought the pull...With the help of old and dear
friends..."
Cut to shot of 'Anyanka' with dear ole friend and fellow vengeance
demon, 'Halfreck'...Pleading for her to return to the fold before the
inevitable disaster...
"The lure of the vile human was too overpowering...All her experience
could not save her..."
"She rejoined the ranks of the Slayer's slaves...Her life sacrificed
needlessly...And uselessly, defending a worthless human comrade...As a
minor foot soldier in the ranks...Ignored by her so-called 'friends'
and former lover..."
Cut to shot of 'Anya' being skewered by a rather handsome
Harbringer... ("Is that Angelus doing the Bringer?..." Colin
asks...)...As an imp playing 'Andrew' cowers...
"And all too soon forgotten by said former lover..."
Cut to shot of 'Buffy', 'Giles', 'Xander' at the Sunnydale
crater...Hulking demon extras standing in for other members of the
Slayer army...
"Well, that's that...Smell the rotting corpses of our slaughtered
enemies...I say we find and hit a mall!..." 'Buffy' waves a
fist..."And I needa new sex partner...Giles, find me another studly
vamp susceptible to my...Wiles...At once!!..."
Yes, your Slayerness... 'Giles' bows...
'Andrew' goes to 'Xander' now leering at several 'activated
Slayers'...
"Your Anya died nobly, Xander..." he begins... "Yeah,
yeah...Great...Dumb bitch couldn't get out of some sword's way,
eh?...Well, one more problem solved...Hey, babbby..." 'Xander' grins
at a shyly smiling 'Slayer'...
("Her soul's in Heaven now, though...Right?"...Colin innocently
noted... "Shut up, kid"...the First hissed back from her seat...)
"Yes...Poor Anya...Abandoned....And mourned by none of those she gave
her heart and trust to..." the voice-over continues...
***
The First resumes her normal Buffy form on screen...Just changing the
brown hair, actually...
"You have seen the grim and tragic fate that awaits the demon who
foolishly offers his or her heart to a human mortal...Learn the lesson
well...Take it to heart and keep the memory when you set out on your
difficult but heroic assignments..." she points from the screen at the
crowd... "The tragic story of Anyanka..."
Cut to shots of humiliated 'Anya' in wedding dress...And skewered
'Anya' dumped in a pile of rotting corpses...
"And Spike..."
Cut to shot of Spike calling mournfully to 'Buffy' as she heads up for
the surface...She whistling a happy tune...As he begins to burn...
"This could be your fate..." our Narrator points... "Or yours...Or
yours..."
"Or Yours!"...she looks directly at us from the screen...
TELL YOUR OFFSPRING!!!
....Fade out...
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