lab~rat >:-) <chase@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:o29ff39ua1feghmveuck7pcof71ncm1hga@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> On Sat, 22 Sep 2007 00:57:04 GMT, "Bill Reid"
> <hormelfree@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> puked:
> >
> >Look, I'm going to have to turn over all the cards on Ms. Alba.
> >In her latest desperate attempt to promote her idiotic movie, she
> >resorted to carny-style geekery on "The Tonight Show".
> >
> >First she demonstrated some pretty disturbing double-jointedness
> >by bending her third phlangal thumb joints back far beyond mere
> >normal opposability into the realm of freakish right-anglehood.
> >
> >But as if that weren't enough, she then demonstrated that she
> >could move each of her eyeballs independantly of the other, which
> >I swear to God, almost made me vomit involuntarily, like something
> >out of "Pink Flamingos".
> >
> >But as I recovered from my sudden attack of nausea, I suddenly
> >realized that JESSICA ALBA HAS THE WONKIEST EYES I'VE
> >EVER SEEN, and as I've said before I've actually known girls with
> >birth defects who required corrective operations on their eyes and
> >they were nowhere NEAR as wonky...
>
> Oh bull****. If she can control them, it's one thing...
What if somebody slaps her on the back when she's
doing it? She'd spend the rest of her life looking like
friggin' Amanda Bynes...
> >She also likes to brag about how much she loves to drink hard
> >liquor, so it's starting to become pretty clear: her alcoholism must
> >have been inherited, and she must have suffered multiple birth defects
> >(the remora-like lips, bulging windpipe, etc.) as the result of her
> >mother being drunk when pregnant with her.
> >
> >Sorry to have to bring this your attention, but fax iz fax...
>
> So tell me, how old do you think she is?
SHE thinks she looks twelve years old (that's what SHE
said)...and I suspect her fan base of middle-aged perverts
like to think the same thing...
And this stupid movie she's in got terrible reviews, all of
which mentioned that she can't act, and the movie did relatively
poorly at the box office...you can bet that ALL of it's distant
second-place finish to a film that was released last week
was due to the idiots who somehow think Dane Cook is
funny, and they ain't coming back next week, so stick a
fork in it and release it on DVD in a few weeks...
It's kind of like the "Fantastic Four" was her version of
"Scooby-Poop"...
---
William Ernest Reid
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