lab~rat >:-) <chase@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:hcgkf3h7e06hgd6tjnp81i5smm77e0988h@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> On Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:12:52 GMT, "Bill Reid"
> <hormelfree@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> puked:
> >lab~rat >:-) <chase@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
> >news:o29ff39ua1feghmveuck7pcof71ncm1hga@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >> On Sat, 22 Sep 2007 00:57:04 GMT, "Bill Reid"
> >> <hormelfree@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> puked:
> >> >
> >> >Look, I'm going to have to turn over all the cards on Ms. Alba.
> >> >In her latest desperate attempt to promote her idiotic movie, she
> >> >resorted to carny-style geekery on "The Tonight Show".
> >> >
> >> >First she demonstrated some pretty disturbing double-jointedness
> >> >by bending her third phlangal thumb joints back far beyond mere
> >> >normal opposability into the realm of freakish right-anglehood.
> >> >
> >> >But as if that weren't enough, she then demonstrated that she
> >> >could move each of her eyeballs independantly of the other, which
> >> >I swear to God, almost made me vomit involuntarily, like something
> >> >out of "Pink Flamingos".
> >> >
> >> >But as I recovered from my sudden attack of nausea, I suddenly
> >> >realized that JESSICA ALBA HAS THE WONKIEST EYES I'VE
> >> >EVER SEEN, and as I've said before I've actually known girls with
> >> >birth defects who required corrective operations on their eyes and
> >> >they were nowhere NEAR as wonky...
> >>
> >> Oh bull****. If she can control them, it's one thing...
> >
> >What if somebody slaps her on the back when she's
> >doing it? She'd spend the rest of her life looking like
> >friggin' Amanda Bynes...
> >
> >> >She also likes to brag about how much she loves to drink hard
> >> >liquor, so it's starting to become pretty clear: her alcoholism must
> >> >have been inherited, and she must have suffered multiple birth
defects
> >> >(the remora-like lips, bulging windpipe, etc.) as the result of her
> >> >mother being drunk when pregnant with her.
> >> >
> >> >Sorry to have to bring this your attention, but fax iz fax...
> >>
> >> So tell me, how old do you think she is?
> >
> >SHE thinks she looks twelve years old (that's what SHE
> >said)...and I suspect her fan base of middle-aged perverts
> >like to think the same thing...
> >
> >And this stupid movie she's in got terrible reviews, all of
> >which mentioned that she can't act, and the movie did relatively
> >poorly at the box office...you can bet that ALL of it's distant
> >second-place finish to a film that was released last week
> >was due to the idiots who somehow think Dane Cook is
> >funny, and they ain't coming back next week, so stick a
> >fork in it and release it on DVD in a few weeks...
>
> 14 million, btw.
Yup, a flop...
Look at it this way...I remember over a decade ago another
movie that made $14million, and was debatably in FIRST place
that weekend, though another movie made almost exactly the
same amount and there were accusations that the movie
studio had "plumped" the figures a little for the number one
movie to get the title.
The "first place" movie: Howard Stern's "Private Parts"
Remember, this was back when ticket prices were on
average a little more than HALF of what they are now.
And don't forget that $14million now is only good for
a POOR second place finish against a movie released
the previous week...in constant dollar terms, Alba's
(or more correctly, "Cook's") movie only made about
$8million compared to "Private Parts"...
Oh, and what was the other movie that made $14million
the same weekend as "Private Parts"? It was everybody's
favorite Tim Allen movie, friggin' "JUNGLE TO JUNGLE"!
I predict even less staying power in the minds of movie-goers
for COOK'S movie than for the completely forgotten "Jungle To
Jungle", because it did far less "real" business...in other words,
JESSICA ALBA IS A GIGANTIC FAILURE!!!
---
William Ernest Reid
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