naomilynnep@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
(Naomi Pardue) wrote in message
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> TV Shows » ER » Circles text size: (+) : (-)
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> TITLE: Circles (14)
> AUTHOR: Naomi Pardue
> GENRE: LKo/AL
> RATING: PG-13
> TIMELINE: Late S9
> DISCLAIMERS: I own the words. They own everything else.
>
>
> Luka watched the door close behind Carter, then returned his attention
to Abby.
> She was looking out the window.
>
> "Should I ask?" Luka asked quietly.
>
> "No, you shouldn't." Also very quiet.
>
> "Maybe you shouldn't be spending so much time here," Luka began.
>
> "What do you mean?" Abby sounded hurt.
>
> "I enjoy your company, but if it's making Carter jealous, or causing
problems
> ..."
>
> "He isn't jealous."
>
> "I don't want to come between you." Luka meant it. He wanted Abby,
desperately,
> but not at Carter's expense.
>
> "You're not," Abby finally explained. "Things are ... complicated right
now,
> but it has nothing to do with you."
>
> "He's not being sup****tive? I know it can be hard ... when people we
care about
> are hurt. It's sometimes hard to know what to say."
>
> "I really *don't* want to talk about Carter right now. I don't want to
talk
> about this at all." Abby sounded annoyed for the first time all week.
>
> "Ok. I'm sorry." There was silence for a moment. Luka pushed his barely
touched
> dinner tray towards her. "Do you want some of this?"
>
> "Trying to poison me?"
>
> "No. It tastes ok. I'm just not very hungry. But the nurse will be
pissed if
> she comes back and finds I haven't eaten. So you can help me fool her,
ok?"
>
> "I'll do anything to fool the nurses," Abby said. She sat on the bed
beside him
> and picked up the fork. After a bite she made a face. "Almost anything,"
she
> corrected herself. "God ... how do you eat this?"
>
> "I don't." They smiled at each other. It was so easy to smile when Abby
was
> around. "How was work?"
>
> "Same old stuff. Pretty quiet today, no big traumas or anything. I'm off
> tomorrow." A sigh. "I need to spend the day looking for an apartment, I
think.
> I can't mooch off Susan much longer."
>
> "You can't go home yet?" Luka was puzzled.
>
> "I can't go home. I can't go back there."
>
> "He's not going to bother you any more," Luka reminded her gently.
>
> "I know. And I know it's stupid and illogical ... but I don't want to
live
> there anymore."
>
> "Ok." There was really nothing more to say to that.
>
> "I'll still find the time to visit you tomorrow, so you don't have to
worry
> about that."
>
> "I'm not. But if you're worried about imposing on Susan, couldn't you
stay with
> Carter? He's got plenty of..."
>
> "NO!. I cannot stay with Carter. Not right now. I just need a new place,
that's
> all." The irritation again.
>
> Luka nodded. It was never easy talking about Carter with Abby, or about
Abby
> with Carter, but this reaction surprised him. Something was going on,
but if
> she didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't going to push her.
>
> "I ummm... I think it will be ok for me when I go home. I wasn't in the
> apartment, you know. It happened outside ... in the hall. I guess it
would be
> different if you were inside."
>
> "Yeah. I was. We were."
>
> "It was funny. I wasn't really scared. I don't remember being scared. It
> happened so fast. I just stepped out into the hall ... and then I was
sitting
> on the floor, bleeding. I remember being confused ... I didn't recognize
him,
> so I couldn't figure out why he had done this. I mean ... even in
Chicago
> strangers don't usually walk up to you and shoot you for no reason.
Then, once
> he told me ... once I realized who he was ... I couldn't be scared,
because I
> was worried about you." Talking was hard. It still made Luka's chest
hurt, but
> once he'd started, it would have been harder to stop. He'd never been
able to
> talk about it before. Sometimes pain was worth it.
>
> "He told me he'd ... done things to you ..." Abby shut her eyes quickly
and
> turned her head away a little. "All I could think was that I had to get
help
> for you. I couldn't die because I had to tell someone. I was just
focused on
> ... not dying ... trying to not die. It is hard when people we ... care
about
> ... are hurt. I hated that I couldn't help you. *That* was the hardest
part.
> Not ... dying. Not knowing that I was going to die. But knowing that you
might
> die too. And I couldn't do anything to change it."
>
> "But you did help me," Abby said gently, finally looking at him again.
"Susan
> said you told them about me, made sure help came."
>
> "Did I?" Luka was relieved. "That part's still so hazy. I wasn't sure."
>
> "You did." A pause and a momentary smile. "I was worried about you too.
He told
> me he was going to go to your place, he was going to kill you. And I
also hated
> knowing that I couldn't help you. He tied me up before he left, so I
couldn't
> get help, call for help. Not for you, or for me." Another little smile.
"But I
> was scared. For you and for me. I don't think I've ever been so scared.
He told
> me ..." Abby trailed off.
>
> "What?"
>
> "Nothing." Abby looked out the window again.
>
> "Well ... we don't have to be scared anymore, right? We're both going to
be ok.
> It could have been a lot worse."
>
> A bit of a laugh. "This coming from a man who just had two bullets taken
out of
> his chest?"
>
> "I'm alive. It *could* have been a lot worse."
>
> "That's true." Abby took another bite of the pot roast. "I swear this is
horse
> meat," she grumbled.
>
> "I was thinking it was cat myself." Luka smiled at her again. As good as
it had
> felt to talk about "it," it really was so much easier to talk about the
> inconsequential.
>
> "Did Anspaugh have any good words for you today?" asked Abby after a
minute.
>
> "Depends on your definition, I guess. He thinks I'll be able to go home
early
> next week."
>
> "That's good."
>
> "Yeah, I'll be glad to get out of here." Luka remembered his earlier
thoughts
> when Carter had been here. "I'll probably need to arrange for some help
for a
> while though. I don't think I'll be up to managing alone for a couple of
weeks
> yet."
>
> "Yeah," Abby agreed. "It's hard for patients who live alone ... have
no-one to
> help them."
>
> "Will you come and visit me at home?"
>
> "Of course I will!" Then Abby suddenly looked thoughtful. "Look ... how
would
> it be if I stayed with you for a while?"
>
> "In my apartment?"
>
> "Yeah. You'll probably need to hire a nurse. Well, I'M a nurse. I can
give you
> the help you need."
>
> "You need to work."
>
> "I have some vacation time. It would solve both our problems, wouldn't
it. I
> would have a place to stay, and I wouldn't be imposing, because I'd be
helping
> you."
>
> "It's a bad idea," Luka said gently. " For one thing, Carter
*definitely* isn't
> going to like it."
>
> "Carter can take a flying leap." Abby snapped, then cut herself off
abruptly.
> Then more slowly. "It's over, Luka; me and Carter. It's been over for a
long
> time. I think we both knew that the patient was dead, but neither of us
wanted
> to call it. It was easier to just pretend that everything was fine.
Easier to
> keep going through the motions."
>
> "You're going through a rough time. That can be hard on any
relation****p."
>
> "No. It's more than that. I blame him for what happened ... to me, and
to you.
> I was scared, I knew someone had been following me ... and he didn't
care
> enough to believe me. Brian was obviously just waiting for the day when
I
> *would* be alone, and he could ..." Abby shook her head.
>
> "And now ... I *should* want Carter around, want his sup****t. He offers,
but I
> just can't stand to be around him. That says to me, pretty clearly, that
> there's nothing for us anymore. The relation****p was a mistake from the
> beginning. I just don't know why neither of us saw it then. We were good
as
> friends, and we should have left it there. He's not a bad person, Luka.
But now
> ... I don't even know if we'll be able to be friends again."
>
> "Unlike some other people I could name?" Luka asked lightly.
>
> "Yeah." Abby smiled at him again. "So, how about it? I'd sleep on the
couch,
> Luka. I'm not ... running into your arms or anything. I just want to
help out
> if I can. I couldn't help you ... before ... but now I can. And you can
help me
> a little. I do need a place to stay."
>
> "I think you should at least try to go home. See how it goes. Maybe it
won't be
> as bad as you think."
>
> "NO!" Abby said again firmly. "I told you, I can't go back there. Not
ever. I
> can't live there ... I can't ... sleep there. Maybe some people can ...
I
> can't." Abby was crying now.
>
> "Abby?" Luka said very gently. "What happened that night?"
>
> "Nothing. Nothing much anyway. He knocked me around ... then tied me up
so I
> couldn't get help. Just ... just some bruises ... and my wrist." She
tried to
> smile again but couldn't quite mange it. "You're the one who got shot
... who
> almost died." Her voice was shaking, and she wasn't looking at him.
>
> Luka touched her face, where the bruises still remained. He wiped away a
few of
> the tears. "He did ... rape you, didn't he?" Abby didn't answer, but
pushed
> away his hand a little impatiently. "Abby?"
>
> Abby still didn't look at him, but after a moment she nodded. "Yeah."
>
> "Why didn't you tell me before?"
>
> "I don't know. It wouldn't change anything ... and I didn't want to hurt
you. I
> knew it would hurt you." A fresh wave of tears, and Abby couldn't talk
anymore.
>
> Instinctively, Luka reached for her, to comfort her. As his arm went
around
> her, he felt her stiffen for a moment, and he cursed himself. Of course
she'd
> be uneasy about being touched right now. Holding his hand was one thing,
but an
> embrace must be difficult for her. But then he felt her relax, and she
let him
> pull her head gently down onto his shoulder. And it was Luka's turn to
stiffen,
> and he couldn't help gasping as her weight sent a stab of pain through
his
> chest.
>
> "Sorry," Abby said quickly, and started to pull away.
>
> "It's ok," Luka said softly. "Everything's ok." And it was. Abby relaxed
again
> in his embrace, put her arm around him, and let herself cry. There were
times,
> Luka thought, when pain was worth it. And this was one of those times.
Very good chapter.
Kelley
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