Title: The Best Laid Plans, Chapter 6
Author: Cathy Roberts
Pairing: JC/DM
Rating: NC-17
Date: January 11, 2005
Archive: Please ask first
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No
infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for
the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your
own pleasure. Thanks to everyone at the Mature ER FanFiction Critique
Corner for their comments and suggestions.
Summary: Dave Malucci meets John Carter in college, and nothing will
ever be the same. Be warned that this story contains scenes of sexual
assault, kinky sex and bad language in place.
The Best Laid Plans, Chapter 6
By Cathy Roberts
As New Year's approached, John found himself wishing it to come quickly,
the main reason being that he wanted to get as far away from Christmas
as he could.
It wasn't that John didn't like Christmas, because he did. Well, most
of the time, anyway. But this Christmas had been rougher than usual.
First, there were all of the old memories that had been dredged up by
recognizing Dave as being one of his abductors ten years ago. Then
there was his attempt to - John still wasn't sure just what he was
trying to accomplish with the whole gifts-for-guns thing that seemed to
just happen. He knew that he hadn't gone into work that day with that
in mind.
But, it had happened. One minute he was treating a gang-banger and the
next he was giving the guy a present in exchange for his gun, as a gift
for the thug's brother. Then they just started to show up - kids
mostly, looking to trade. And he'd bought into it, thinking he was
doing something good. Until the first gang-banger came back, shot
again, and also under arrest for shooting a kid in a drive-by. Angered
and disappointed, John had grabbed one of the guns and confronted the
kid. He still didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't have
been stopped. His finger was on the trigger, and he felt as if he could
pull it, end that punk's life the same way the punk had ended the life
of an innocent little boy.
But, the gun hadn't been loaded, and if it had, he was pretty sure he
wouldn't have actually pulled the trigger, even if it would have brought
a sense of closure to the whole night. There was a pattern there, John
thought, of him not being man enough to do what needed to be done. He'd
been unable to go through with what he had planned to do to Dave
Malucci, and he'd been unable to keep some gang-banger from killing a
little boy. He was weak, John could see that.
And now here it was, New Year's Eve, and John knew he had to work with
Malucci. So, what was he doing? He was hiding in the suture room,
that's what he was doing. They wouldn't get many patients until later,
so it wasn't as if he was trying to get out of doing any work. No, what
he was doing was trying to avoid seeing Malucci. What he was doing was
trying to pretend that Malucci didn't matter in any way to him.
What he was doing, was failing, John thought. He wanted to grab Dave
Malucci and...and kiss him. He wanted to grab Dave Malucci and beat the
living daylights out of him for making him want to kiss him. He wanted
to grab Dave Malucci and make him tell him why he'd done what he had.
But, John knew he'd blown the chance to find out the truth when he'd let
Malucci go that night. Despite knowing that setting him free was the
right thing to do, a part of John kept kicking himself for doing it
before he'd found out just why Malucci and his friends had done those
things to him. John had spent many a waking hour over the years trying
to figure out the answer to that, but nothing had ever come to him.
John knew he wasn't the most popular guy on campus, knew he stuck out
like a sore thumb. When he had first arrived at Penn, he'd thought that
things would be good, that he'd fit in. But at the dorm and in classes,
conversation would always steer toward high school and what things were
like back home, and family. And John would always feel like some circus
freak when they'd stare at him as he admitted that he'd gone to boarding
school and not high school. Penn was an Ivy League school, but
apparently there weren't all that many students there who had trust
funds. Instead of feeling all grown up now that he was in college, John
found himself reliving the emotions that he'd felt when he'd first been
sent to boarding school, and he hated that.
After a while, John gave up on trying to make friends. Oh, he had a few
- there was his roommate Steve, and some of the guys on the wrestling
team, but that was it really. It wasn't until John moved into his own
place that he seemed to shake off the stigma of being different. Being
abducted that Christmas, as he was in the process of moving into his own
place, had changed things. With not knowing who his abductors were or
where they were, John found himself holding back when it came to talking
about himself. Instead, he ended up asking more and more questions of
those he met. And much to his surprise, he found them liking him.
That's when he really came to understand that his background and his
family were things that got in the way of friendships.
Keeping quiet about his family had served John well over the years. The
only notable exception being Anna Del Amico, but once she got over being
angry with him for not telling her up front that his family was loaded,
things had gone well. Then again, considering that she didn't hesitate
to leave with her former, ex-drug addict boyfriend, maybe things hadn't
gone so well after all. His hoped for relationship had never
materialized. John sighed, thinking it had been for the best. Anything
between them would have ended, just as all his relationships ended.
The door opened and John sat up, expecting to hear one of the nurses
telling him that he was needed for a trauma. He looked away though,
when he saw that it was Dave Malucci standing there.
"What?" John brusquely asked, making it plain - or so he hoped - that he
didn't wish to be disturbed.
"I was just wondering where you'd gone off to." Dave stepped further
into the suture room, letting the door close behind him.
"Carter...John, we need to talk."
"There's nothing that I want to talk about with you," John replied as he
slid off of the gurney and stood facing Dave's direction.
"Okay." Dave paused for only a moment. "Then there's something I need
you to listen to."
"I've got to get back to work," John said, and he took a step toward the
door of Trauma 2, so that he wouldn't have to walk past Dave to leave.
"It's dead out there right now and you know it. Dammitt, Carter, this
isn't easy for me, either. But you deserve an explanation about what
happened, and I think that you'd rather hear it now, and not put it off
any longer."
John stopped, and then turned to look at Dave. He'd spent ten years
wondering why Dave and his friends had kidnapped him and now he had the
chance to find out. It would really be stupid to walk out, he told
himself, even though his body was definitely in flight mode. Nodding,
John turned and walked back to the gurney to lean against it.
"Fine. Explain to me why you and your friends grabbed me in the middle
of the night, did...things to me, and then dumped me back in my room.
I'm guessing that it wasn't just for kicks?" He glared at Dave, knowing
that there was no decent explanation to be had, but he was willing to
humor the man, at least for the moment.
Dave shook his head. "It wasn't." Dave leaned against the counter,
trying to keep some distance between him and Carter. The last thing he
wanted was for Carter to feel pressured or anything.
"I guess that it basically starts with me being a freshman and broke.
I'd gotten a scholarship to Penn, but the books...well, they hit my
wallet pretty hard. I was in one of the suites at Matthews Hall, on the
floor below yours, and one of roommates told me about this guy, a soph,
who was practically handing out money. His name was John Carter, and he
was pretty loaded. And I went to his room. He was cute, and more than
willing to lend me money. We...we got along, or so I thought." No,
that wouldn't work, Dave thought. Carter deserved the whole truth and
not just the bits that Dave felt comfortable telling.
"I gave him a blow-job, okay?" Dave could feel face growing hot from
embarrassment, but he continued, knowing he owed that much to Carter.
"I'm bi, and he wasn't the first guy I'd ever sucked off. Not the last,
either, as it turned out. Later that night, Gary, the roommate who'd
told me about John Carter, and Carter himself, or rather who I thought
was John Carter, came to the suite with a videotape in hand. It was a
videotape of me sucking Carter off. I had two choices. I could sit by
and let Carter send that tape to my folks or I could go to work for him.
Seems he and Gary had a little business on the side and had been
running it since the year before. My parents..." Dave shook his head as
he thought of how his family would have reacted. He looked over at
Carter, feeling a bit uneasy over the intense stare that Carter was
giving him.
"I gave in. And I hated it, and I hated John Carter. I wasn't the only
guy that he and Gary had pulled that bit of blackmail on, and we all
hated him. Hated them both, but mainly Carter, because Gary also worked
for him. About the only good thing I can say about him is that he did
give us all a generous share of what we earned, but still...it was
humiliating, okay?"
Dave pushed himself away from the counter and began to pace. "I wanted
revenge, and I wanted to get out from under Carter's thumb. I had all
kinds of plans in my head, but things really came together when I found
some other guys who wanted revenge as much as I did. And I also found
out that Carter wasn't going home for Christmas break...some kind of
wrestling thing. My other roommate was on the JV wrestling team with
Carter, so I knew what was going on. He actually felt sorry for Carter
because the guy wasn't going home once the wrestling thing..."
"Meet. It's called a wrestling meet," John interrupted.
"Anyway," Dave quickly said, regaining the narrative, "Jason said that
Carter was moving out of the dorm, so I knew we had to move fast. We
planned to grab Carter, give him a taste of his own medicine, get some
money from his folks to compensate us for the Hell he'd put us through
and then get those tapes from him. Not just our tapes, but all of them,
so that he wouldn't have anyone to blackmail. Christmas break came,
Carter stayed, we grabbed him...it wasn't until I went to call his folks
that I discovered that the guy we'd grabbed wasn't the same guy we'd
been working for. I was going through your wallet and I found your
driver's license. After that, well, I guess I panicked. We should have
let you go, explained things to you...but I panicked and dumping you
back in your room seemed to be the easiest thing to do."
Dave stopped pacing to find himself standing in front of Carter, and he
looked directly into Carter's eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't say anything
more than that, and I'm sorry for that, too. I wish I could go back and
undo all of that, or that I could have ever gone to one of the wrestling
meets, because then I would have known that you were you and that he
wasn't you, that he was your roommate."
Silence stretched between them, their eyes still locked, and it was John
who broke the silence. "Did you get them? The videotapes, I mean? Did
you get them?"
Dave nodded. "Yeah, we got them. Steve quit school after that.
I...well, it doesn't matter what exactly happened, does it? Let's just
say that we all didn't just forget what we'd done."
"When I first started at Penn and had Steve as a roommate, I thought it
was a good thing. He was funny, and smart. He made me feel as if I
wasn't alone or some kind of a freak because of my family. By the end
of the year, though, he'd changed, and I found it easier to stay away
from the room than to be in there with him. Still, when it came time to
come back for my sophomore year, I didn't ask for a new roommate. I
guess it was a case of preferring the known to the unknown, even if
things had started to get strained between us. That sophomore year,
though..." John shook his head, frowning. "He tried his best to talk me
out of getting my own place. I thought that he really and truly was
upset that his attitude had chased me out. I thought he was my friend.
You know, until you mentioned it just now, I didn't know that he'd
dropped out. Once I moved, I never heard from him." John looked away
from Dave, the sense of betrayal he'd felt those years ago rising to the
surface once more.
"I knew you were from Chicago," Dave said. "Or rather, I knew that John
Carter was from Chicago, but when I got the residency here at County, I
never imagined that you'd be there. I kept thinking that you'd know,
even though you never saw me. I deserved what you did, Carter. Hell, I
deserved more, even though I'm grateful as Hell that you let me go. If
you want to file charges against me, I understand, and I won't try to
talk you out of it."
John looked back at Dave, confused. "I drugged you, so shouldn't it be
the other way around? You filing charges against me?"
"We kidnapped you first." Dave sighed, thinking it was one screwed up
situation. "I'd say that what we did was far worse than what you did."
Before John could reply to that, Lily pushed open the door to announce
an incoming trauma. John thanked her, then headed for the door, not
sure what to think or say about Dave's confession. What he did know was
that he didn't want to think about it right then.
Dave watched Carter leave the room, and he sighed. He had no idea what
Carter was going to do, and he knew the suspense would drive him crazy.
Maybe that was also a just punishment, he thought as he left the
suture room, maybe he was fated to spend days not knowing what was going
to happen. Dave also knew that he had to give Carter time to process
everything; he just hoped that it wouldn't take too long. Funny, Lisa
had said he'd feel better once he told Carter the whole truth, but right
then, Dave was feeling less certain of things than he had before. In a
way, he felt worse, because there'd been no mistaking the sadness that
he'd seen in Carter's eyes when they were looking at each other.
And, God help him, there'd been no mistaking the fact that Dave had
wanted to wrap his arms around Carter, hold him close and love away that
sadness.
After being pulled out of the suture room for the trauma, business for
the night steadily increased. Neither Dave nor John had time to think
about their earlier conversation. Which was why, when midnight had come
and gone, and Dave had found himself ready to take a break, he was
surprised to step into the lounge and find Carter there, pouring himself
a cup of coffee.
"Mind pouring one of those for me?" Dave asked, hoping that Carter would
actually pour the coffee and not just chuck the pot in his direction.
John nodded as he reached for another mug and filled it with the hot
liquid. He put the carafe back on the burner of the coffee machine,
then grabbed both cups and walked over to where Dave was seated on the
couch.
"Thanks," Dave said as he accepted one of the cups from Carter. "Some
night, huh?"
John nodded, he himself had seen more than a dozen cases since the
trauma, and they'd all caused by stupidity. "It'll get worse, though,
as the night goes on. We've got a long haul between now and 6." John
took a long sip of his coffee. "By the way, Happy New Year."
"Thanks," Dave said, and he smiled. "Happy Y2K to you, too. Since the
power's still on, I guess all that doom and gloom talk was nothing but
hot air, huh?"
John found himself smiling back as he nodded in agreement. "Sure looks
that way."
A silence settled between them while they drank the coffee, and it was
Dave who finally broke it.
"Friends?" he asked, hoping that a visit to the local jail wasn't in the
near future for him.
John stared down into the last of his coffee, then shrugged. "I don't
know, Dave. I really don't know. I still need time to digest all of
this." He looked up and into Dave's eyes. "I can assure you that I
won't be calling the cops, though. I think we've both suffered enough
and done enough to each other, don't you?" John looked back down into
his coffee mug, not wanting Dave to see the emotions that John knew were
in his eyes. He wanted Dave, John knew that much. And how could he be
friends with Dave when every time he looked at Dave, John remembered the
way Dave had touched him, remembered the way his body had responded.
And, God help him, he found himself wanting to see if he really would
like kissing Dave now. It had to be sick and unhealthy, John thought.
Even years after the fact, a person didn't want to kiss the person who'd
practically raped him. Right?
Dave could feel it radiating from Carter, that almost unbearable
sadness. And something else mingled within it. Guilt? But Carter had
no reason to feel guilty over anything, and Dave told himself that he
was wrong. It couldn't be guilt that Carter felt, but rather something
like accusation. "Yeah, I guess we have," Dave replied. He finished
his coffee and got to his feet, knowing he needed to get back to work
before he forgot himself and ended up in front of Carter, begging him to
forgive him.
"Thanks for the coffee," Dave said as he rinsed his cup in the sink and
then headed for the door.
"You're welcome," John replied, and he looked up in time to watch Dave
walk out of the room. Sighing, John got to his feet and headed for the
sink to take the time to wash out both coffee mugs. He needed to put
time and a bit of space between himself and Dave, or else he'd never get
his emotions and thoughts under control and back on normal things. God,
but he needed to get everything back to normal, and as far as John was
concerned, normal couldn't happen soon enough.
To be continued...
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