TITLE: Invisible (2)
AUTHOR: Naomi Pardue
GENRE: LK/JF
RATING: PG-13
TIMELINE: Mid-S11
DISCLAIMERS: They own 'em, I don't.
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Luka poured himself a second cup of coffee and sat down again. He hated
staff meetings. Fortunately the ER had been pretty quiet when Kerry had
shepherded all the attendings and residents into the lounge for a
meeting. With luck it would stay quiet while they discussed the current
crop of medical students.
Kerry flipped to the next page on her clipboard. "Ok, what about
Devere?"
"She's good," Susan said promptly. "Learns quickly, good rapport with
the patients."
"She's especially good with kids, I've noticed," said Pratt.
"Not surprising," said Kerry. "She wants to do pediatrics for her
residency. She applied for the match here at County."
Luka grinned. "I did catch her once with her boyfriend in the on-call
room ... you know."
"Well, you'd know all about that sort of thing, wouldn't you?" Susan
said, matching his smile. And Luka felt his face get hot as his own
smile vanished. That was not a time in his life he was especially proud
of. He shouldn't have brought it up. It wasn't like it had any effect
on her medical abilities. He was about to remind Susan that she had a
bit of history in that department too, boffing Chuck all over the
hospital, but Kerry interrupted.
"Who's the boyfriend?"
"Med student. I think he's doing his OB rotation right now."
"Ok. As long as he's not her supervisor or an attending, and she's on a
break, it's her own business. Though, if you catch her again, you might
remind her that she does have an apartment ... with a bed in it." Kerry
sighed. "Now, let's focus on the important stuff, people. We've got
another dozen med students to get through here, and, lest we forget,
the interns are in charge out there."
"Could be worse," said Carter, looking at Pratt. "Could be the
residents."
"The residents would kick ass," snapped Pratt good-naturedly. "Morris
is off today, after all."
"Focus, people!" said Kerry again. "Ok, next one is Figler."
"Who?" Carter frowned.
"Jane," Luka supplied helpfully, but Carter just shook his head.
"Brown hair," Pratt said. "Bad perm, sorta mousy. I don't think you've
worked many shifts with her."
"I guess not. I think I can place her though."
"Comments?" asked Kerry.
Pratt shrugged. "She's ok."
"Competent enough," Susan added. "She's got the books down cold, but I
don't think she's really cut out for the ER."
"I'd second that," Pratt said.
"Does she want the ER?" asked Carter.
"I don't know," Kerry admitted. "She didn't apply to match at County,
so I'm not sure what she wants."
"Like Dr. Lewis said, she's smart," Pratt said with a grin. "She wants
outta here. But I think she mentioned once wanting ER medicine."
"Wanting something doesn't mean it's necessarily a good fit," Susan
said.
Pratt laughed. "Case in point, a certain Dr. Morris."
"Exactly."
"She'd probably be great in some specialty that doesn't involve
interacting with patients," Pratt went on.
"Yeah, she isn't good with the patients at all. Her bedside manner
isn't bad ... so much as it doesn't exist." Susan couldn't help
chuckling, and Pratt and Carter joined in too.
Luka had been listening to the conversation, warming his hands around
his cup. When the laughter had stopped he said quietly, "I think she
could be a great ER doctor." And when everyone stared at him, he went
on. "She's smart. In the ER we have to have a vast foundation of
knowledge about almost every area of medicine, and the ability to call
up that knowledge at a moment's notice. Jane can do that."
"You also need the initiative to jump in and use what you know. I've
never seen that in Jane," Susan pointed out. "She's too shy, too quiet.
It's almost like she's afraid of the patients. Not to mention the
doctors."
"Come on, Susan," Luka snapped. "Have you forgotten what it was like to
be a med student? The feeling that you have to sink or swim ... and you
spend most of the time feeling like you're drowning? So much
information being thrown at you, so much to learn, knowing you're being
evaluated and critiqued every step of the way ... it's hard."
"It's hard for all the med students," Susan said, "and most of them
handle it better than Jane."
"Most of them aren't ignored either. That business with the John Doe's
the other day ... I think it really shook her. Did any of you apologize
to her?" He looked around at the bowed heads. "I didn't think so." He
sighed. "You're right, she has not been blessed with a sparkling
personality, but she can be a really good doctor. All she needs is a
little more confidence ... a little more encouragement from the staff
....and maybe for someone to take an interest in her."
"And that 'someone' would be ... you?" Susan asked.
Luka shrugged. "Sure. I don't mind."
"Well, if anyone can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, you're the
one, Luka."
"Make a what?"
Susan just shook her head. "Nothing."
Then Carter grinned and straightened up from where he'd been slumped in
his seat. "Ah yes, 'enry 'iggins," he said, in an excruciating
imitation of a cockney accent. "I'll wager you a thousand pounds that
you can't take this flower girl and turn 'er into a duchess in two
weeks time."
And the entire room dissolved into laughter again, while Luka could
only shake his head. "What?"
"Never mind, Luka," Susan said, wiping her eyes. "See what you can do
with her. You're right, she has potential, and if she really wants the
ER, we should do everything we can to help her. County isn't the only
hospital having a hard time finding and keeping good docs in the ER."
She turned to Kerry. "Ok, Kerry, who's next on the list."
"Gonzalez"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Luka didn't mind. He liked teaching. He never used to really enjoy it,
but lately he was finding it a real pleasure. Teaching students how to
save lives was even more satisfying at times than saving them himself.
But still, he would have to tread carefully. If he just jumped in and
started playing cheerleader, Jane would be sure to suspect something,
and probably resent it. Remedial med school was not what she needed.
But she definitely needed something.
Luka spotted Jane in one of the open curtain areas, suturing a
patient's leg. Usually doctors chatted with the patients while
suturing, to take the patients mind off what was happening and to just
lighten the atmosphere, make the time go faster. But Jane sat hunched
over and silent, biting her lip. She was a fourth year, just months
from graduation; she must have sutured 100 patients before today. It
obviously wasn't uncertainty about the procedure that was making her so
tense, so nervous. It was something deeper than that. Jane always
seemed to Luka to be ... isolated. No matter how busy the ER, how much
chaos flared around her, she always seemed to be insulated from it all,
trapped in a bubble she couldn't find her way out of.
And Luka knew a little bit how she felt. He remembered his own early
days at County. He had been shy, uncertain, still not 100 comfortable
with the language. As a moonlighter he never felt part of the ER staff,
never felt like he quite belonged. If it hadn't been for Carol he might
not have stuck around, he might have just moved on again when winter
came. He had hoped that something might have happened between him and
Carol ... a relationship. He had seen in her, and her babies, the
family he had lost.The relationship had never really happened, but she
had been something, he realized now, even more valuable. She'd been a
friend. He could talk to her, even lean on her a little bit while he
found his feet, found his place at County.
Still, as difficult as things had been for him, he knew he had a huge
advantage over Jane. He may have been just as shy, just as unsure of
himself, but it didn't really show. He was already an experienced
physician when he came to County. His abilities were never in question,
and he knew how to hide his uncertainty under a mask of bravado and a
quick smile.
And, of course, there was something else. He had always been able to
grab, and hold, people's attention. Maybe it was his height, maybe the
accent, so exotic to American ears. Maybe it was his appearance; he
knew others thought him attractive, though he'd never given much
thought to that himself. Whatever it was, Jane didn't have that
advantage.
A voice at his elbow startled him from his thoughts. "Can you sign off
on these, Luka?" Abby handed him a stack of charts. "Nothing too
bizarre. Two cases of the flu, sent home for rest and fluids; an otitis
media, I prescribed a Z-pak; and a second degree burn."
Luka glanced through the charts and started to sign them, but he was
still keeping one eye on Jane.
"What?" Abby asked, obviously aware that his attention was elsewhere.
"You've supervised Jane, haven't you?"
"A few times, yeah. She mostly works with Neela."
"What's your impression of her?"
Abby shrugged and gathered up her charts. "Doesn't exactly light up the
room .. but she's capable enough. Seems to like suturing, I've
noticed." Abby walked off and Luka spent a moment looking through the
dozen or so charts in the rack. Selecting two of them, he walked over
to where Jane was working.
After a minute, Jane looked up at him anxiously. "Something the matter,
Dr. Kovac?"
"No, not at all. That's really nice work, Jane. Dr. Lockhart was just
telling me that you have a knack for suturing and she's right."
"It's not hard."
"Which is the whole point. Not everyone finds it easy. You have
careful, precise hands. There won't be much of a scar there at all."
This last was directed to the patient, who was flipping through a
magazine, and she nodded at him and smiled. But more importantly, a
flush of color crept over Jane's pale cheeks and he saw a hint of a
smile around the edge of her mouth.
Just then Jerry poked his head around the curtain. "Phone call for you
on line 3, Dr. Kovac. It's Sam."
"Excuse me a minute, Jane," Luka said, and picked up the wall phone.
"Hi, Sam. What's up?"
Sam got right to the point. "Did you write Alex's science paper for
him?"
"I helped him with the research. Why?"
"I got a call from his teacher. She said it was obviously written by an
adult ... probably a doctor."
"Could've been a nurse," Luka said, trying not to snap.
"You're the one who was working with him!"
"Why is this so important?"
"Because he failed the assignment. Miss Toland said he clearly didn't
do the work himself."
Luka sighed, rubbed his hand over his forehead. "Can we discuss this at
home, Sam? I am at work right now."
"I know you want Alex to like you but ..."
"I said we'll discuss it later! I have to go." Luka hung up the phone
and stood for a moment facing the wall. Then he turned back to Jane,
who was finishing the last suture. She looked at him, obviously seeking
his approval. He just nodded at her and smiled.
She smiled back at him, a bit hesitantly, then turned to her patient.
"Ok, Beth, I'll have the nurse bring you after-care instructions. Be
sure to come back in 3 days for a wound check, and then a week later to
have the sutures removed." She stepped away from the patient and said,
"Where's Dr. Pratt? He's supposed to be supervising me today."
"He's busy. An MI, I think. Do you mind working with me for the rest of
the day?"
"No, not at all." The color in her cheeks deepened a little.
"Good. I noticed this chart in the rack, thought it might be a good one
for you. A deep finger laceration."
"Aren't those tricky? The extensor tendon ... doesn't it need a hand
surgeon?"
"I'll show you how to determine if the tendon's damaged. If it isn't,
your light touch will be perfect for the necessary repair. Just
remember Jane, to talk to the patients while you're working. It helps
put them at ease."
"I can never think of anything to say."
"Ask them questions. They'll be happy to do most of the talking."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
For the rest of the week, Luka kept a close eye on Jane. He gave her
every procedure he thought her capable of handling, and made sure she
got to observe every interesting or unusual case that came through the
doors.
"Good Jane . now slowly start the suction .. nice . " "Ok ... head's
out now, oh, what a nice big cry ... be sure to support the body as we
get one more push from mom ..." "Listen carefully Jane. Do you hear the
murmur? What kind is it?" "Core temp is 92.2. What's the best method
for rewarming? Right. Want to give it a try?"
And he was delighted to find that his project was succeeding. Her
confidence increased daily. She smiled more, talked more, seemed to be
thriving under his attention, evolving into the doctor he knew she was
meant to be.
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