TITLE :Invisible
AUTHOR: Naomi Pardue
GENRE: LK/JF
RATING: PG-13
TIMELINE: Mid-S11
DISCLAIMER: They own em, I don't
Jane opened her eyes and immediately registered that something was
different. The room was light. It was usually dark when she got up in
the morning these days. She looked at the clock. 7:10.
"Damn!" She was late. She had forgotten to set the alarm, and too many
busy days and too many late nights studying had finally caught up with
her.
Jumping out of bed, Jane pulled on her clothes, ran a quick brush
through her hair and, putting on her coat and mittens as she ran, was
out the door by 7:13 and hurrying down the snowy sidewalk
For the first time since starting her med students rotations last year,
Jane looked forward to going in to work. She hated being late. She
didn't want to miss a single minute of her ER rotation and, more
important, she didn't want to disappoint Dr. Kovac.
Dr. Kovac. Jane smiled to herself. He had made all the difference. She
could see his smile, feel the touch of his hand against hers as he
guided her in some new procedure. She could hear his voice, 'That's it
Jane ... excellent ... " and then the smile again, which she could
never help but return.
How could her life have changed so much in one short week? A week ago
she'd been just Invisible Jane. Unnoticed, barely tolerated by
whichever resident or intern had the bad luck to get stuck with her
that day.
But suddenly, Dr. Kovac had taken an interest in her. The first day
she'd thought it was a fluke, just some long overdue good luck. Dr.
Pratt was busy, he'd told her, she would work with him. But the next
day it had happened again, and the next.
He was just teaching her, of course. She was a promising medical
student and he was trying to help. That was all. He'd never been
anything but professional with her, never asked her about her personal
life or talked to her about his. But she could dream ... dream big. She
knew she wasn't imagining it that his smiles were warmer, his eyes
brighter when he spoke to her than to anyone else. And everyone in the
ER knew that things were not going well between him and Sam. When they
worked together on a case the tension in the room was obvious. And then
he would look at her, and smile, and relax again.
Realization struck her suddenly, dizzying. Of course he was
professional with her. He was her supervisor. As long as she was on her
ER rotation he couldn't be anything more to her than a teacher, a
mentor. The rules on that subject were very clear. But in another two
weeks her rotation would be finished. She would move onto neurology,
and Luka would no longer be her supervisor. Then things would change.
Their relationship would change. Why hadn't she thought of it before?
Suddenly Jane was counting the days until the end of her rotation. She
wantedout of the ER, so she ... and Luka ... would be free to move onto
something better for both of them. He was much older than her, she knew
that. But Sam was only a year or two older than she was. And Abby ...
she'd heard the rumors that they had dated a few years back. Abby was
only a year older than she was, an intern. Luka liked younger women.
And he liked her. It was hard to believe, but he obviously liked her.
Jane was snapped from her thoughts by the feel of her foot against a
slick patch on the curb. She skidded awkwardly and a moment later was
sprawled on the pavement.
She lay for a moment getting her breath back, then got slow to her
knees, wincing, and then to her feet. "Fall to outstretched hand..."
How many of those had she seen on her ER rotation so far? As often as
not it meant a sprained or broken wrist. But no, her wrists were a bit
sore, but not sprained and certainly not broken. Her mittens had
protected her hands from the rough blacktop. But ... damn it ... the
left knee of her jeans was ripped open. Jane folded the torn flap of
fabric over and looked at it. She was good with suturing skin, but
she'd never sewn denim before. She would have to learn. She couldn't go
to work with torn pants, and she only had one other pair.
Limping slightly, Jane hurried as best she couldthe last 50 yards
across the ambulance bay and into the warmth of the ER.
The other medical students were already gathered at admit for their
morning meeting. 7:25. Pulling off her coat and mittens, Jane quickly
joined them. Dr. Pratt was there, describing some interesting case from
the night shift, and Dr. Kovac was there too.
"You're late, Jane," Dr. Pratt said, and, at the same moment, Dr. Kovac
said, "We were worried, Jane."
Jane addressed her answer to Luka. "I overslept. I'm sorry, it won't
happen again."
"It happens," Luka said with a smile. And a glare from Dr. Pratt as he
continued describing the SSRI overdose and how it was treated. Jane
tried to listen, it was interesting, but a moment later Luka
interrupted again. "You're bleeding!"
Jane was startled. "What?"
"Your knees."
She looked down. She hadn't even noticed that she'd skinned both knees,
her concern had been for her pants. But the fabric was now not only
torn, but bloodstained, and the stains were spreading. She shook her
head. "It's nothing. I'm ok. I slipped on some ice."
"Did you hurt yourself?"
"Just skinned my knees. They're fine." Jane couldn't tell him that she
was more worried about the pants than the knees.
"Well, go get cleaned up, and grab yourself some scrub pants from the
storage room."
"But the meeting..."
"I'll fill you in later." Another one of his warm smiles, and again,
Jane found herself smiling back through her pain and worry.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The morning flew by, with Dr. Kovac seeing that every new chart and
ambulance arrival provided Jane with a new diagnosis to observe, a new
skill to learn, or, at minimum, at old one to practice. Carbon monoxide
poisoning, kidney stones, fractured ribs and shattered ankles. A baby
with possible meningitis; Dr.Kovac let her do the LP, she'd done them
on adults before, but never on a such a tiny patient.
At around 1 the morning flood of patients had slowed to a trickle. "Why
don't you go grab some lunch, Jane?"
"I'm not really hungry, yet," Jane said.
"It's slow. Haven't you learned yet to take advantage of slow times to
take care of yourself? I need to catch up on my charting. By the time
you get back there should be some new patients for you."
"Ok," Jane agreed reluctantly, and headed for the elevators. She would
spend 15 or 20 minutes walking the halls, sitting in the bathroom,
riding the elevators. She couldn't tell him that she had no money for
lunch. With her grocery budget at a tight 10 dollars a week, cafeteria
meals were out of the question. Her first few weeks on rotations she
had brought peanut butter and crackers, or an apple for lunch. But
she'd quickly found that packing a lunch, especially such a scanty one,
was even more noticeable, and embarrassing, than simply going without.
Her supervisors rarely noticed that she hadn't taken a lunch break, or,
if they insisted, she would simply leave the department for a while. It
wasn't as if anyone ever offered to eat with her.
After 20 minutes, Jane returned to the ER. Her stomach was tight with
hunger, but she was used to that. She was eager to get back to work,
eager to spend more time with Luka. She found him in exam 2. He greeted
her with his usual smile.
"That was fast," he said.
Jane shrugged. "No lines."
"Well, I'm glad you're back. This is Raul Fernandez, 8 years old.
Exertional dyspnea and swelling in his wrists and ankles. Neither he
nor his mother speaks much English. Your Spanish is pretty good so why
don't you finish the HP. I need to check on a few patients. When I come
back you can give me your assessment."
"Ok." Jane turned to her patient. "Hola Raul. Me llamo Jane."
Raul gave her a hesitant smile.
"No te estas sintiendo tan bien?" The little boy pouted and shook
his head."Bueno, voy a tener una mirada en sus munecas y tobillos. Lo
prometo que no lastimara,"
Raul nodded again and she began to examine him, carefully explaining in
her 'pretty good' Spanish, what she was doing. But Raul giggled now at
some of her questions, and Jane knew she was stumbling over some of her
words ... she suddenly couldn't seem to remember the grammar. Her ears
buzzed and whistled, making it hard to hear through her stethoscope.
And what she did hear puzzled her.
About 10 minutes later Dr. Kovac returned. "So, Jane, what do we have
here?"
"Eight year old boy, arrived with his family from Ecuador in September.
Five day history of dyspnea and arthralgia. His mother brought him in
for a sore throat 3 weeks ago, his chart shows that he was prescribed
amoxicillan for a strep infection. She says he had frequent sore
throats in Ecuador."
"Good. Physical assessment?"
"Ummm... low fever, 100.3, satting at 98. Resps ..." She suddenly
couldn't remember the vitals. She hadn't written them down. Numbly she
plunged on. "Lungs are clear, I think I heard a regurge murmur ... not
sure though." Jane trailed off. The whistling in her ears was back.
Dr.Kovac was asking her something, but she couldn't hear him. "What?"
"Listen to his heart again."
"I ..." How could she tell him that she couldn't hear well enough? That
there were spots and flashes of light before her eyes? She had to tell
him something. He was looking at her, talking to her. A moment of pain
in her sore knees as they buckled, and everything was black.
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