Yeah, it's been frigging ages and frankly I moved on to my first love,
Battlestar Galactica but lately they managed to make my most favorite
character into another Lucy Knight (except the poor bastard wasn't
stabbed,
just tortured by his friends) So I thought... why did Lucy have to die?
And
why can't poor Felix on BSG ever have something good happen.
So I crossed'em over.
The setting? That fateful Valentines day....
"Earth Girls Are Easy"
" Lucy, there's a head injury in Three. Homeless, possibly crazy." Mark
Greene handed her a chart. " Work him up and then come get me."
Lucy Knight began thumbing through the file. Dr. Greene was giving her an
easy one. Some guy jumped by a street gang outside of a pharmacy, mostly
lacerations and bruises. Access the wounds, access his level of awareness,
and get the bed free.
Sometimes being a doctor was just like doing a paint by numbers picture.
Except that there was a lot more vomit.
Still, when she stepped into the exam room, she was pleased that her
homeless, possibly crazy patient was sitting quietly on the edge of the
exam
bed. Sure, he was holding a bloody rag to his forehead but he was bleeding
so that was normal. He wasn't muttering an angry manifesto, and most
importantly he didn't appear to stink at all.
Homeless people weren't usually so well groomed either, but the young man
seemed neatly dressed. His dark curly hair was very short, and he was
clean
shaven. Arab appearing, or maybe Greek. She wondered if Dr. Greene had
even
read the file. Maybe, she thought darkly, its some sort of test. Knowing
her
luck, the guy didn't even speak English.
" Hi. I'm Lucy Knight. I'm a medical student and I am going to stitch up
that laceration and ask you a few questions." Please speak English, she
prayed. This will go so much easier if you speak English.
He looked at her. "I'm bleeding. Some kids beat me up and asked me where
the
towel for my head was. I don't understand what they meant. Then, when I
was
just trying to get back to where I left my raptor, so I could fly back to
base and the others, a police officer made me come here."
Damn, Lucy thought. Attractive, English speaking, and crazy. It figured. "
Let me take a look at that. I'll get you fixed up and then we'll talk."
~*~
Mark Greene wanted to smack Lucy Knight across the face. His headache was
back, his father was at his house, gamely dying of lung cancer, and the
last
thing he wanted to deal with was her inability to handle things. " Lucy,
did
he say he wants to hurt himself?" he asked as he followed her to the exam
room.
" No, but he does want to leave so he can go to his spaceship, Dr.
Greene."
Lucy said earnestly.
Mark looked down at the file as he strode into the room. " Are you Felix
Gaeta?" he asked the young man sitting on the bed.
" Yes," the young man said. " I'm not crazy. I think your student
misunderstood.."
"You don't have any urge to harm yourself, do you?" Mark waited.
" No, not at all." Gaeta seemed taken back.
" But you are planning to head to a spaceship once we let you go," Lucy
added helpfully.
" I was hit in the head," the patient said earnestly. " I don't know what
I
was saying."
Great, Mark thought tiredly. " So if we let you leave, you're not going to
cut off your genitals and take poison, thinking that there's a spaceship
in
the Hale-Bopp comet that will take you away, right?"
Gaeta looked at him, aghast. " Why would anyone do that???"
Mark rolled his eyes. " Do you have any id, Mr. Gaeta? Anyone that you can
call to pick you up?" Because the guy didn't seem to be raving, and was
well
kept. Lucy didn't make things up, but the man had been hit in the head
during a mugging. Maybe he was a little delusional, but he seemed harmless
enough. On the other hand, the last thing he needed was a mental patient
walking out and getting killed. The hospital had enough lawsuits and he
was
tired of Kerry Weaver riding his ass.
" I was robbed," Gaeta said helpfully. "And I'm. new. In the city."
" Right." Mark sighed. " Do you have a place to live? A job? Insurance?"
At
each the young man shook his head. " Do you know where you are, Mr.
Gaeta?"
" Chicago." Gaeta said easily. " And this is a hospital and I think you're
assessing my stability. I assure you, I have no wish to harm myself."
Seems normal, Mark mused, but. " If I let you go, if I don't place you on
a
psych hold, where will you go?" Because being well groomed meant a caring
relative somewhere and Mark wasn't up for another lawsuit.
"Um. away from here?" Gaeta rubbed his head. "Your student gave me a pain
killer, it's hard to think."
" Yeah, ok. Lucy, call psych. Mr. Gaeta, it could be that you've just been
hit in the head a little too hard, but I can't allow you to leave until we
have you assessed by the psychiatric department. Besides, you're
concussed.
Don't worry about the bill, this is a county hospital. Just lie down and
someone will bring you some dinner. We're going to keep you for the next
few
hours. Make sure everything is all right." He turned to Lucy. " Call the
cops and the usual places. Someone's probably missing him."
"I'm not mentally incompetent just because I don't have ID," Gaeta
protested.
"Psych should be down in an hour or two. If you continue to be responsive
and alert, they'll sign you out." Mark handed the chart back to Lucy. "You
know the procedure."
The guy seemed harmless but better safe than sorry. Not that he really
cared
that much. He had a Valentines date to worry about that was less than 24
hours away.
~*~
Felix Gaeta sighed. He had screwed up big time. Not only had he messed up
the mission by getting assaulted, he would be late to the rendezvous and
empty handed as well. He was supposed to purchase as much of what the
Earth
people called "over the counter drugs" as he could and bring them back to
the Galactica. People were desperate for any medicine and they hadn't
cracked how the Earth societies worked hardly at all. It was easier in the
United States, since they weirdly spoke the same language, but just
figuring
out the money system worked, and manufacturing the counterfeit money..
They
weren't ready to get "prescription" drugs, they didn't know enough. He had
been chosen for the first mission because he was considered clever enough
to
not slip up and look where he was. Waiting for the shrink to decide he was
crazy.
And he still didn't know what a towel head was. It couldn't be good. All
he
had done was walk by the young people and he had been attacked. And
robbed,
and if they had learned anything from the planet's teeming wireless
broadcasts, it was that a person needed money on earth. So when he finally
escaped the hospital, which was a screaming bedlam compared to Cottle's
sickbay, he would be returning empty handed.
Since he felt fine, he got up and went to the door of his room and peeked
out. He had his clothes, although the thieves had relieved him of his warm
jacket, so if he did leave, it would be very cold. The young medical
student
had taken his shoes as well, no doubt to keep him from leaving. So far it
was working. Jacketless and shoeless was no way to be in Chicago. Chicago
was very snowy, and dirty. In a lot of ways it reminded him of New
Caprica.
Fewer Cylons though. He fought down the sudden shudder. We found Earth and
things will be all right, he told himself. It was just disappointing that
Earth was such a mess. The people of the fleet were desperate. Which meant
he needed to get back to the hidden Raptor and at least report in. The
Raptor was nicely stealthed and Earth technology wasn't great, although
they
seemed to spend a lot of time focused on wireless entertainment. The
Raptor
made pick up once a day, and he was likely to miss the next pick up for
supplies. When he got back, he was going to suggest changing supply sites
to
somewhere warmer. Like Hawaii. Hawaii looked very nice on the wireless.
It would be so much easier to escape if he was in Hawaii.
Still, Earth people, especially the American Earth people, were similar
enough. Doctors wore white coats, nurses didn't. Sick people were
everywhere
and he made a point of trying to avoid them. The very last thing he wanted
was to bring some deadly plague back to the fleet.
He carefully wove his way through the crowded hallway and reached the
front
desk. Nurses were there and doctors. He had been to hospitals before. This
one was a chaotic mess, but that was nothing to him. He dealt with chaotic
messes all the time. Earth was very different, but he was certain he had
spotted a kindred soul at the desk.
"Excuse me," he said to the dark haired clerk that was wearing an outfit
even a group of solicitors from Picon would have considered whorishly
inappropriate, " I've been waiting for several hours for a doctor to
decide
whether I'm insane or not. Is it possible for you to give me an eta on
when
this is actually going to happen?"
" What? Are you late for the crazy people convention at the Ritz?" the
woman
snapped.
He hadn't learned much from working as a political aide but he knew how to
handle her. He leaned over the desk conspiratorially. " If I say yes,
would
that make things go any quicker?"
The desk clerk eyed him, and then smiled slyly. " No, but you're funny.
That
means I won't have security haul your ass back to your room and tie you
down." She looked at her nails, which were adorned with a variety of
colors.
Then she looked at the board. " Which crazy person are you? Crazy, came in
with a headache and freaked out, crazy talks to dead people, or crazy
thinks
he's a spaceman?"
" I'm not actually crazy," Felix said with a touch of pique.
She looked him over. " You're not dirty, and you're not screaming. You're
crazy spaceman in room 3."
"I have a name," he said.
" Yeah, Felix. It's on the board. I'm Randi, your doctor has left for the
day, and if you piss me off, you'll be waiting for the next two days. Now
go
back to your room and be glad there's no dead bodies in there, because
we're
kinda backed up. It's gonna be a while." After a moment, she seemed to
relent. She handed him a can of soda pop and a heart shaped piece of
paper.
" Here. Happy Valentine's Day. I'll have someone call psych for you. Now
go
away."
He did as he was told, wondering as he looked at the card what exactly
Valentine's Day was.
~*~
Lucy hated the days when Dr. Carter treated her like crap. That was just
about every day they worked together lately. Soon, she told herself. I'll
be
a doctor soon. It was February and soon she would be an intern. Hopefully.
And hopefully not an intern under Dr. John "Asshole" Carter. For now she
just wanted to get through the next shift. She was clearly on the shit
list,
and she was positive that there was something wrong with Paul Sobriki.
Something other than meningitis.
She went to the front desk. " Randi, I need Mr. Sobriki moved to room
four.
And I need a psych consult."
"Yeah yeah," Randi muttered as she leafed through a magazine. " I'll call
but if they didn't come down for Spaceman Spiff yet.. They're backed up."
" Is it really wise to call a crazy person Spaceman Spiff?" Abby mused as
she looked at her own charts.
" Have you seen his real name?" Randi muttered. " Felix Gaydar. Why not
just
name your kid Flamer Homo. Spaceman Spiff is an improvement." She rolled
her
eyes. " He was at the desk whining earlier. I gave him a coke but I think
he
needs to be fed and watered if we don't want him to start killing us with
his lazer gun."
Lucy sighed. She already felt bad that she had gotten the man held for a
psych consult. It was possible that he had just been confused from being
hit
in the head. Still, he was concussed and he had no id and no place to go.
There were worse things than being stuck in the ER.
" I'll grab a dinner for him," she said briskly, hoping she sounded
confident. " Just don't forget to move Mr. Sobriki. We need the room."
She went down to the cafeteria and made a tray. Everyone liked
cheeseburgers, fries, and macaroni and cheese. She added a chocolate
pudding
after a moment of thought. Everyone liked chocolate and she suspected poor
Mr. Gaeta might need some cheering up.
Unlike Mr. Sobriki, who was probably still angry about the painful spinal
tap.
Everyone liked macaroni and cheese though, and she was pleased to see Mr.
Gaeta inhale his meal like he hadn't had food in years. Hospital food
really
wasn't that good. It made a part of her angry. Homeless or mentally ill,
someone clearly kept the man scrubbed clean. That meant he was being cared
for, but his reaction to getting a hot meal was completely at odds with
his
appearance. Bastards, she thought darkly, she had seen that sort of thing
before. Rich families locking up an obviously schizophrenic man in their
home, keeping him from treatment and decent meals.keeping him clean for
appearances of course, but not caring otherwise. No wonder he was running
the streets with no id and no money.
It made her miss Doug Ross. He would know what to do. She didn't. She was
positive that Carter would dismiss it as simply an oddity once Mr. Gaeta's
family showed up to claim him but. she was convinced that something was
wrong. A crazy person, even one from an institution, wasn't normally that
excited over mac and cheese made with grade Z ingredients.
" I can get you some more, if you want," she said as he cheerfully wiped
the
plate with the bread provided.
He looked up, as if suddenly aware of what he was doing. " This is just
fine. More than enough. Everyone has been very nice, but really, I would
like to leave. I could walk up to the psychiatric department if that's
necessary. My head hurts but other wise I am competently fine." He smiled
pleasantly.
" That's against regulations," Lucy said after a moment.
" Right." Gaeta sighed. He seemed impatient. " Could I get a magazine? Or
a
book? There's 356 tiles in the floor and 28 ceiling tiles. There's also 38
switches on all the devices in here. Now that everything is counted, I'm a
little bored."
Uh oh, Lucy thought, obsessive compulsive. Still, not violent, doesn't
smell
bad, and very polite. She had worse patients. " I could find you
something.
We don't have a lot."
" I like National Geographic," he said easily. " Maybe something with
Hawaii
in it? Hawaii seems nice. Have you been?"
" No," she said after a moment, " But I will see what I can find." Nice,
she
thought, and cute. Too bad he's either crazy or soon to sue her for
holding
him against his will.
~*~
It was Valentine's Day and she was working. Randi Fronziack wondered just
what god she had pissed off. Crazies and screamers and parents with dead
kids. Ten dollars an hour was not worth the view of Luka Kovac's ass. Not
lately.
And she really didn't need the looks coming from the angry black woman
coming up to the desk. " What the hell do you want?" Randi snarled.
The black woman glared haughtily at her with surprisingly light colored
eyes. " A police officer directed me here. Have you seen this man?" She
held
out a photo that had obviously had the corners clipped off. Yup, Randi
thought tiredly, that was Spaceman Spiff all right. A Trekkie, along with
being a crazy, or maybe a Babylon 5 fan judging by the costumes he and the
black woman were wearing in the photo. The head Vorlon must be missing
them
both, she thought snidely.
" Yeah, he got beat up earlier by a street gang. He's in four." Randi
stood
up as the woman immediately turned and began to briskly walk away. " Wait
a
minute. You can't just go see him. Who are you?"
The woman looked at her darkly. " I'm Anastasia. Anastasia Dualla." She
turned and walked away.
" Wait! Wait." Randi leaped over the desk, a cool move she didn't dare
make
when Dr. Weaver was there to bitch, and grabbed the woman. " I need a
little
more than that, bitch."
For a moment, Randi thought she was going to get the opportunity to smack
the bitch down. Then Dr. Carter stepped between them.
" What seems to be happening here, Randi?" Carter asked, using that snide
tone he had. His boyish face seemed to light up when he took in Dualla's
rather exotic features. " Is there a problem?"
It figures, Randi thought. " She didn't show ID. She wants to see the
crazy
in four and she has to show ID." Because there were security and privacy
procedures and while Spaceman Spiff didn't seem like a mafia don, she was
the one who would get sued if this Dualla bitch opened fire on Flamer Homo
while he was drinking a coke.
" Here's my ID," Dualla said haughtily. She handed over a driver's
license.
Then she turned to Carter and batted her eyes. " I was looking for my
brother Felix. I think he may have been assaulted." She showed Carter the
picture. Randi almost whistled. Whoever the hell she was, she knew how to
work a man.
Of course, Dr. Carter was kind of an idiot. He smiled at the woman. " Your
brother should be fine but we are waiting on.. Randi, why haven't we
discharged him?"
Oh Christ, Randi thought. " Spaceman Spiff is concussed? And needs a psych
consult?" I get ten dollars an hour for this, she thought darkly. " And
look
at her! How is he her brother? She's African-American and he's. Christ, I
don't know what the hell he is, but he doesn't look a thing like her. And
they don't have the same last names, either!"
Carter looked at Dualla. She smiled winningly. " We have different
mothers.
Clearly there's been some sort of misunderstanding, but I do appreciate
your
concern. Is there a reason you want a psychiatric exam? I assure you, my
brother is very normal."
Carter looked over her, to the board. It was obvious to Randi that he was
struggling to remember just what the diagnosis had been. " He was a
little
confused when he was brought in. He could probably be signed out without
the
consult if you are related.."
" And if you show proof that you really are related and proof that he
actually has a home and gosh, some insurance paperwork would sure be nice
to
see," Randi snapped.
Dualla glared at her balefully, and then went back to working Carter over
with her rather masterful eyefuck. " Tell you what, why don't you give me
a
list of the paperwork I'll need, and I'll contact my father. And. if I
could
see my brother?"
Bitch, Randi thought darkly.
~*~
Lucy watched as Carter let the black woman enter Mr. Gaeta's room. She
wasn'
t surprised. Randi was just being territorial, and a little bitchy because
the black woman was lovely and clearly working Dr. Carter. Lucy wasn't
surprised in the slightest. Carter liked women, and she wasn't fool enough
to think that she could get him into trouble over something so petty.
Besides, she needed to know if she was dealing with abusive caregivers or
not. Room Four led into Room 3, and they were clearing a trauma there so
she
could discreetly listen in. It helped that the blinds were only partially
closed.
" What in the name of the gods happened to you? Dammit Felix, I was
worried!
Hell, even Col Tigh was worried." The black woman seemed concerned.
" Look, Dee, I was knocked out. Some kids. I didn't know what I was
saying.
I was awake but unconscious, you know? I misspoke and I could barely think
and now they think I'm crazy."
" Good!" The black woman, Dee, paced around the bed. " The last thing
these
people need to know about is the fleet, and that we're moving among them."
Um what, Lucy thought worriedly. The fleet?
" The doctor I saw this morning said I have a concussion," Felix said
easily. " I haven't said anything about our situation since then. Look, I
don't think they mean any harm. I think they're just worried that I don't
have ID and no one to pick me up. I haven't even seen a doctor since this
morning, but they did take my shoes so I can't leave without getting
frost
bite." He chuckled. " There's a medical student. I think she felt bad. She
brought me dinner and magazines to read. It's like a vacation."
" Except that you can't stay here, sir."
" No, really? I don't want to stay. It's a zoo here. Like being in sickbay
only there's an ongoing serial show." Lucy heard Felix chuckle again. " My
doctor? Is having an affair with a surgeon. The nurse with the curly long
hair? Is pregnant by a pediatrician who as near as I can tell left this
hospital because he euthanized a child with some horrible disease. There's
a
doctor called Dr. Weaver who apparently makes Col. Tigh look like. a kind
loving man. I haven't seen her yet, but I have to say. that's scary.
There's
an attractive doctor from an un-American country who is flirting with the
nurse who is pregnant. That's Dr. Kovac. He's very attractive. You should
make a pass at him. He's much better looking than Dr. Carter."
" I'm married, sir." Again with the sir, Lucy thought. More than the weird
paranoid talk, that concerned her. Because this Dee person clearly bought
into whatever fantasy that Felix Gaeta believed. "Besides," Dee added, " I
don't have time. I need to report back and get your information properly
falsified so we can get you out of here. What happened? I know you're more
careful than this than to pick a fight. You're not Kara Thrace."
" I don't know.. Some kids. They said things I didn't understand. The
police
officer said it was a hate crime but. They called me a towel head. They
didn
't cover that in the mission briefing."
" That is new. I thought we covered all the unfamiliar insults. Must be
because you're not as pale as the average Caprican. All right, you need to
stay here until we get more paperwork for you. I told them I was your
sister
and they don't really seem to care as long as I bring paperwork and money
to
pay for your treatment."
" You're my sister? We don't look a thing alike."
" I was thinking fast. I had to flirt with that doctor to see you. The
desk
clerk is like Cottle."
" Oh, that's Randi. She is a convicted criminal, according to the rumors.
She gave me a soda pop."
" We were all warned about that stuff, sir. It's addictive."
" No, try it. It's like ambrosia only it kicks like coffee."
There was a pause. " Oh gods, that is good."
" Tell the admiral we have got to add Coca-cola to the must have lists.
Seriously though, this place isn't that great. The guy in that bed there?
He
thinks I'm trying to steal his organs. He's mentally disturbed and no one
seems all that concerned. They were sticking needles in his spine, and
they
were doing it to figure out whether he was crazy or just sick. I don't
know
that I could handle that."
"Aren't you the guy that stared down Starbuck in the launch tube airlock?"
" To be fair, I did cry."
Lucy stepped away from the door when Dee began to move towards the door.
She
had heard enough. Her patient was seriously disturbed. but he and his
"sister" were also strangely disconnected from American society.
Disconnected in a way that made next to no sense. They frankly weren't
white
enough to be confused Amish people who had never had cola beverages
before,
and yet at the same time, they both spoke like well educated people, like
people who understood technical things.
They spoke like people who came from a more technical society, who just
didn
't understand the culture. They also spoke like military people. Which
meant
it was a shared psychosis..
Or that they were from a fleet. A space fleet. Only a space fleet would
need
an airlock. Lucy frowned. This was probably not a discussion to have with
Dr. Carter, she decided after a moment. But then, how can I figure it out?
~*~
He thumbed through the magazine and tried not to get angry at the sick man
in the bed next to him. He was irritable himself for being stuck in bed
all
day, he still had a headache, he wanted another coke, and he was getting
very tired of listening to his roommate rant. " No, I already said that I
wasn't interested in your organs at all. Believe me. I'm perfectly happy
with my own organs."
" You fucking bastard! You space bastard!" snarled the man. " I'll kill
you!"
" There's a line already formed on that," Felix said dryly. " Up in the
space ship. And frankly you're way at the end. I'm sure by the time it's
your turn, I'll be just so much space dust." Of course, it was morally
wrong
to tease the mentally ill, but it was getting late. Dee really should have
been back already unless she ran into huge problems with documentation.
And
even Cottle never made him wait this long for anything. " Tell you what,"
he
said cheerfully. " I'll go check and see where our psych consults are.
Maybe
have someone bring you a sedative."
The atmosphere in the hallway was still chaotic. Earth people apparently
enjoyed guns just as much as the colonists did, he mused as several
bloodied
bodies were hauled by. It was time to try the desk clerk again, he
decided.
Because there really was something wrong with the man in his room.
" Excuse me," he said, " I was wondering.."
Randi looked up and rolled her eyes at him. " Christ, not you again."
" I'm not Christ," Gaeta said pleasantly. " I'm Felix Gaeta? We spoke
earlier? I'm crazy spaceman in four? You gave me a can of soda, and a card
with a heart."
" Yes, I get it. I'm sure in crazy spaceman world, that means I married
you." Randi snapped. " Look, we got dying people everywhere. The idiots
in
psych know you're waiting. Go back to your room."
" Actually, I was wondering if anyone was aware that the gentleman in my
room believes that I am trying to steal his organs. He threatened to kill
me. Maybe he needs a sedative?" He tried not to sound angry. It was busy,
he
could tell, but it was almost eighteen hours since he'd been pulled off
the
street. And he generally took death threats seriously.
Randi snorted at him. " Right. And you went to medical school where?"
" Hey!" Felix felt himself being spun around, only to find the medical
student Lucy glaring at him. She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him
into
the hallway near the room he'd been consigned to. " You're not fooling
me!"
"What?" Standing up while looking at her, he realized that he was a good
bit
taller than her. That didn't happen often. Petite, blonde, and obviously
caring, coupled with fiery spirit, exactly his type. Which just frakking
figured, Felix thought. As if he could just invite her back to the
Galactica
for a hot romantic date in the supply closet.
She pushed him up against the wall. " You're lying to me," she whispered
harshly. " I overheard you and your pretend sister. You're from outer
space.
You both are, and there's a fleet, and you're gathering supplies. Is this
some sort of invasion?"
Think, he told himself. " I'm not from outer space, I'm from.. Canada."
Canada was the cover lie. In case there were questions about odd terms and
verbal quirks.
" Right.. Maybe if Canada is hiding behind the moon, just like your
spacefleet." Lucy thrust a small hand held computer into his face. " Look,
NASA has had all of these weird sightings, and when I use my astronomy
program to calculate the trajectories of these objects AND when I add in
the
unusually high tides being caused by the presence of a large aircraft
carrier sized vessel hiding behind the moon.. You're not from Canada. You
don't even sound Canadian."
He took the tiny computer from her, marveling not only at its size but at
the data cheerfully streaming on its small display screen. And the data
displayed was startling. Startling because a medical student with next to
no
time had somehow calculated the exact position of the Galactica. " Where
did
you get all this information?"
" Off the internet." She smiled. " You may not realize this, being new to
Earth, but there's more on the net than just fetish porn. So, tell me
about
the mission. I want to help you."
" No, you don't understand. No one can know this," Gaeta warned. " It's
not
safe."
~*~
Lucy nodded agreement, and struggled to hide her growing excitement. I
knew
it, she thought. I knew he wasn't just a nut job. " Look, I want to help.
Don't worry, I'm cool about different cultures. Let me guess, you guys
don't
want to reveal yourselves because our culture is so primitive, there might
be mass suicides. And the aliens. There are aliens aren't there?"
He put a hand to his head as if trying to hold back a headache. " No,
we're
not much more technically advanced in most areas. And there's no aliens.
We'
re. kind of on the run."
" From oppressive forces of a dark empire? Killer robots? Intelligent
dinosaurs?" It had to be something. " Look, you're on the run. You must
need
doctors. I'm almost a doctor."
" Ok," he said quietly, " could we maybe discuss this somewhere more
private
than this hallway? Perhaps we could go shout at each other on the roof?"
" That sounds like it would be private, but really, it's not. Let's go in
your room. Mr. Sobriki won't mind. He's schizophrenic. We need a psych
consult to confirm it but.."
" So he'll just live here from now on, I understand.." He hesitated at the
door. " I am positive I left the lights on. You know, he was threatening
me."
" Crazy people do that," she said, pushing him in. But it was rather eerie
in room four with the lights off. She flicked the switch but the lights
didn
't go on. That was odd. Fluorescent lights didn't blow. She looked up. The
bulbs had been removed.
" He's not in his bed," Gaeta said nervously.
" You want my organs, you little bitch!" roared Sobriki. Lucy didn't even
see the man until he leapt at her. Gaeta deftly stepped front of her,
taking
the tackle head on and toppled to the floor, struggling with the crazy
man.
Lucy saw a flash of metal, and realized with horror what Paul Sobriki had.
The knife that they had used in the staff room to cut the awful looking
blue
cake. The butcher knife.
" Knife! He has a knife!" she shouted.
" I know! Get help, gods dammit!" Felix shouted back from the floor. Lucy
ran out of the room, just dimly aware of the thumping loud music blasting
through the whole ER. Who could help? Security was a joke, and Dr. Kovac
was
no where to be found, and Dr. Carter would just ignore her. She spotted
Dr.
Weaver limping to the desk and ran to her.
" Dr. Weaver! One of my patients is attacking another with a knife!" As
soon
as Lucy said it, she realized just how ridiculous she sounded.
Weaver looked at her. " For god's sake Lucy, call security! What room is
it?"
"Room Four!" Lucy said. Weaver ran down the hall, surprisingly fast for an
older woman that needed a crutch to get around. Lucy was relieved to see
Gaeta step out of the room. He was holding his arm and blood was seeping
from between his fingers. The butcher knife was in his bleeding hand.
" I choked that guy out, but he's probably going to wake up. He cut me
pretty good. I think I need stitches." Before he could say another word,
Dr.
Weaver lifted up her crutch and swung, bashing him into the wall.
" Dr. Weaver! That's the one who was being attacked! He must've disarmed
the
other one." Lucy knelt down to the already unconscious man's side.
Weaver poked him with her crutch. " Really Lucy, you need to be a lot more
specific when you give reports. We do get a lot of crazy people here."
~*~
This, Dr. Kerry Weaver thought darkly, was why holidays suck. I'm not even
into work for two minutes and I am already filling out a damn incident
report. " Why was this patient waiting eighteen hours for a psych consult
anyways? Dr. Carter?"
John Carter gulped nervously. " Mr. Sobriki was a suspected case of
meningitis and Mr. Gaeta.. I never even saw Mr. Gaeta. I thought he just
had
a hold because he was concussed."
" We are going to get our asses sued over this." Kerry muttered.
" Maybe if you hadn't hit the nice patient in the head with your crutch
after he disarmed the crazy guy," Abby said cheerfully. Abby Lockhart was
just glad that she hadn't been involved in any of the evening's chaos.
" And where the hell did Sobriki get a ten inch butcher knife?" Kerry
shouted. " Will someone please explain to me why in God's name we have a
butcher knife in the ER?"
" I think we were using it to cut cake in the lounge," Carter said weakly.
"For the party."
" Well, that's just great. No wonder psych won't come down here for
consults. Has anyone called the damn cops yet?" Kerry glared at the
assembled doctors. " Where the hell are these patients?"
" Pysch took Mr. Sobriki for evaluation." Randi chimed from behind the
desk.
" Lucy took Spiff to X-ray to make sure you didn't actually cave his skull
in. And getting him stitched up from you know, the stab wounds."
"Shut up, Randi!" Kerry tossed the charts on the front desk to the floor.
" Let's all just hope that our patients can't afford good lawyers. Get
back
to work, get the damn patients out of here and someone find that damn
butcher knife before another patient gets ahold of it."
" Well, that's certainly heartening." Kerry spun around to find herself
facing two men. The taller man was white haired, and casually puffing a
cigarette. He at least appeared friendly. The shorter man, with darker
hair,
terrible skin, and a large, almost strangely sexy mustache, glared
balefully
at her.
The smoker harrumphed as he took a drag. " I hate sick people, I really
do."
He was obviously the one who had spoken just seconds before. He held out a
photo that had been cleverly cropped to look octagonal. " We're here to
claim this young man."
The darker haired man's narrowed. " He's. my son." He seemed to choke on
the
phrase.
Kerry looked and then passed the photo to Randi. Randi nodded quickly. "
Yup, that's Spiff." She gestured to the two men. " I dunno about Dutch
there," she said as she pointed to the white haired man, " but yeah, Lt.
Castillo here could be Spiff's dad. I'd get some id though. I so don't buy
that Carter's jungle fever princess was Spiff's sister."
" Spiff?" The white haired fellow blew a smoke ring at Randi.
" I have id," growled the other man. " I'm Bill Adama. I understand you
think my. son, is crazy? Because he was hit on the head and got confused?"
He managed to make that sound somehow ridiculous and appalling at the same
time. " I brought my doctor, Jack Cottle. Just in case you felt medical
supervision was necessary."
" See, I'd like to know why Spiff's last name is Gaeta, his sister's last
name is Dualla, and your last name is Adama," Randi said.
Kerry wanted to kick her. At this point, if the man just wanted to haul
his
son out of there without litigation, she didn't care. He had the look of a
snarling bear. It wasn't smart to poke snarling bears. " Shut up, Randi,"
she hissed. " Why don't you two gentleman take a seat? Randi, go fetch
Lucy
and get an update on Mr. Gaeta." To the two men, she added, " I'm afraid
there's been a little bit of an incident with another patient."
" With the butcher knife," Cottle said. He took another drag. " He's not
dead is he? We've come a really long way just to pick up a damn corpse.
You'
re running a real zoo here.
Kerry knew she had to get things back under control. " You're not allowed
to
smoke in here." She reached up and plucked the cigerette out of his mouth
and flung it to the floor. Then she put it out with her cane.
Cottle smiled, withdrew a pack of Marlboros, shook one out of the pack and
put it in his mouth. " I've got a carton of these suckers." He lit up. " I
can go all night."
Kerry threw up her hands. " As soon as he clears X-ray, he can sign out
AMA.
IF you two have id."
Both men smiled and began emptying their pockets of driver's licenses,
passports and sundry other items.
~*~
" I'm coming," Lucy said. " I'm almost a doctor. I know our culture. You
people need someone to tell you what you should say and do."
" My head hurts," Felix groaned. " Why am I always the one who gets hurt?
I
always try to do the right thing and it always ends with someone kicking
me
or hitting me or tying me down in an airlock and hitting me. Getting cut
is
new though." He continued grumbling as he tried to button his shirt.
Lucy pulled him into an embrace and kissed him on the lips. " You saved my
life. He was going to kill me. That makes you the best date I've had in
years. And you're pretty cute.. For a spaceman from Canada."
Despite himself, he returned the kiss. " You brought me dinner. That's
almost a marriage proposal where I'm from. And you didn't hit me. That's
the
best date I've had in years."
Lucy laughed in his arms. " It can get better. You probably don't know
this.
but Earth girls are easy. Randi told me your dad is here to pick you up."
He shook his head. " My dad is dead and buried about three hundred light
years from here. Let me guess, older fellow with a mustache, scary as
hell?"
" Looks like that guy on Miami Vice, right?" At his blank stare, she
smiled.
" See, this is why you need me. Now, I'm going to explain how you get out
of
here with no questions asked." She explained.
" Does that really work here?" he asked after a moment.
"Trust me," she said, her eyes sparkling.
~*~
Felix made a point of walking as normally. He did feel a little off, but
not
that off. Sure enough, Admiral Adama was glaring down the redhaired doctor
that had beaten him with her walking crutch. Dr. Cottle was lighting up a
cigarette for the desk clerk. All right, he told himself, it's time to
pretend to be Gauis Baltar.
" I want the names of each and every one of you!" he shouted. " I have
been
held against my will, I've been assaulted, and I want names!" He strode
over
to Adama, and inwardly prayed that the admiral wouldn't get too mad. He
leaned in and whispered. " Play along sir." Loudly he said, " My father is
a
lawyer!"
Adama eyed him, and then turned around slowly, looking each medical
professional in the face. " Yes," he growled. " I am a lawyer. A good
lawyer."
It was almost amusing to see everyone in the room pale.
" I'll escort you to your father's car," Lucy said, and she hauled him out
of the ER and into the cold street before she collapsed into giggles. " Oh
wow.." She said between laughs. " I know he's not your dad but that. that
was a thing of beauty." She hugged him close. " So where's the space
shuttle?"
" We've got some Ford Broncos rented." He couldn't help it, he started
laughing as well. It had been a long time since he had laughed.
Adama and Cottle stormed out. " You want to tell me what's going on, Lt.?"
" I was assaulted. Ms. Knight here wants to come with us. She's almost a
doctor, and she assures me that she can help us navigate the culture." He
made a point of stifling the giggles but it was hard. " I didn't ask for
anyone to get prosecuted. Throw me a bone, sir."
" I am so on board with this!" Lucy said excitedly. She smiled winningly
at
him and then at Adama.
After a moment, Adama shrugged. " A doctor, and pretty. You could do
worse,
Mr. Gaeta. Let's go."
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