Ok, welp, after a one-episode Abb-sence (I'm awesome), Abby is out of
rehab and back in black! An uncharacteristically almost-watchable
episode methoughts. So without further ado, here are Dropping T.
Helicopter's Olde Tyme Episode Bullet Points(tm):
- So, from the opening scenes, it appears that Abbs is indeed out of
rehab and on basically the same sort of probation at Cook County General
that Carter was on when he was doing goofballs or whatever it was. I
suspect they simply dusted off the old script and reused it.
Except, before she returns to work, she's going to *really* go to
Croatia this time for "a few weeks" to be with Luka and Joe. Wow,
either funerals in Croatia are the most elaborate burial rituals since
Cheops was bandaged up, or actors desperately clawing their way off a
sinking ship really cause wild contortions in the writing of an episodic
television program. Whatever the case, she's around for the rest of
this episode through the novel writer's device of "we're short staffed
and we've got multiple casualties coming in" (I hope they patented that
one, because I'm betting that every other medical show ends up trying to
steal it!), and keeps the place from completely falling apart.
- Morris pukes for some reason. He's sick for the entire episode, at
various times having an IV going, at others receiving an injection of
some sort of anti-emetic in his buttock from Serial Killer Guy II -
Electric Boogaloo. Yes, for reasons known to nobody but TEERPTB, we
actually get to see Morris' butt crack. No, we do not find out which
buttock he receives the injection in.
- Neela's alarm clock wakes her up and causes her to immediately have to
pee. Her cousin is in the shower and won't open the bathroom door, so
Neela just barges in, pees, and wipes, in what has to be the least
necessary scene in the history of all visual arts. It seriously should
win some sort of Oscar for Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of
Needless Ickiness.
Anyway, Neela's been talking to her cousin (Jaspreet?) in the shower the
whole time she's been urinating and she hasn't been answering. That's
because she wasn't in the shower - she comes in through the bathroom
door. Neela then complains about the water bill and goes to shut the
shower off, and finds Harold in the shower! I don't think any of us saw
that one coming! Yes, Neela looks at his penis. Twice. No, I did not
make any of the above up.
The entire atrocity is almost certainly the lowest point in "E.R."
history.
[CUE BLIPVERT]
- Two young kids come in from the multiple casualties thing, which turns
out to be an apartment fire. The girl is ok, the boy less so. Abby
ends up diagnosing the girl with some made-up-sounding extremely rare
genetic vision problem. This results in the girl singing a song while
the ophthalmologist ophthalmologizes her eyes. The same song is
reprised in the Obligatory Song At The End Of The Episode(tm).
The boy is the subject of yet another never-before-seen dramatic device.
His blood pressure (or something) is getting dangerously high (or
low), and Freaky-Surgery-Guy-Who-Isn't-Dubenko wants to cut open his
liver. However, Abby and Pratt suspect it may in fact not be his liver,
but a broken pelvis causing the problem. If Not-Dubenko is right, he
has to cut open the liver immediately or the boy dies. If Abby and
Pratt are correct, simply putting what appeared to be a weight on his
pelvis will relieve the blockage and restore the boy's blood pressure to
normal, without the extreme risk involved in liver-cutting.
Abby/Pratt (Prabby?) ultimately win the conflict and try the pelvis
weight idea - and it works! The boy's blood pressure (or whatever it
was) returns to normal and he is saved, with a fully intact liver to boot!
I literally sat staring at the screen with my jaw completely slack,
drool running down onto my shirt, for a full five minutes after
witnessing that theatrical masterpiece. Never having seen anything
remotely like it before, my mind was simply spinning trying to take it
all in. Even as I write this, I am still awestruck by the brilliance
that this program delivers into our homes each week. Bravo, "E.R.",
bravo.
- A fireman was also brought in from the fire. He served solely to set
up a scene where a half-dozen firemen come in through the main doors in
slow motion while New Gay Desk Clerk Guy drools over them. Scouts'
honor - they used *slow motion*. Upon reflection, I am utterly
gobsmacked that they didn't play "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate over
that scene.
- An old lady dies in what appeared to be a desperate attempt to give
Bizarre Chaplin Chick a reason to make an appearance. Some
uncomfortable-to-watch back-and-forth between her and Uncle Jesse took
place, but nothing to write home about. We did get to see a location
shot for the first time in ages though out of the deal, for whatever
that's worth.
- After maneuvering around all the questions from her coworkers about
"How was Croatia?" all episode, Abbs finally comes clean at an all-ER
meeting and tells everybody that she was really in rehab. Everybody
seems to be pretty much "yeah whatever" about it, except Sam. Sam gets
all pissed for some reason.
- For some reason, Haleh has gotten more screen time in the last two
episodes than in the entire period since Third Rock fired her. Also,
Malik made an appearance and even had a half a line in this episode. So
the episode wasn't a complete garbage dump.
- Jaspreet bolts because her father is about to find her (or something).
She has Neela "break up" with Harold and Morris for her. I wasn't
aware you could actually do that. That could have made a number of
events in my life go much smoother than they did. Huh, I guess you
learn something every day if you're not careful.
- Neela and Abby kiss and make up about the confrontation in Neela's
apartment a few eps back. Abby apologizes and it's all water under the
dam.
And that's about it. I'm sure you're all as relieved as I am that this
terrible writers strike, which has shut down so many shows, has in no
way affected the quality of "E.R."
Until next time, I remain humbly yours,
Dropping T. Helicopter
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