[ SOL DESK. JOEL is sitting behind the desk, playing with the courderoy
starship. ]
JOEL: [ Looking up ] Welcome back, folks. It's quiet right now, but
I expect my youthful wards Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot to come
to me momentarily with some silly but endearing crisis of faith
in our pop cultural world.
TOM: [ From offscreen ] JOEL!
CROW: [ Also offscreen ] We need to talk!
JOEL: [ Calling ] That's what I'm here for, guys.
[ TOM and CROW suddenly enter on opposite sides of JOEL. TOM is holding
"Giant Superman Annual" #1. ]
CROW: OK, we were reading this bunch of old Superman stories.
TOM: And there's this sick one where Lois Lane witnesses a murder but
can't give a good description of who did it.
[ JOEL picks up TOM's comic book and shows it to the camera. ]
CROW: But afterwards she gets accidentally zapped with this experimental
ray that's supposed to make plants grow better and it makes her
enormously fat.
TOM: And it turns out Metropolis is basically worldwide headquarters
for ways to embarass fat people.
CROW: And after a month of feeling horribly ashamed at Superman seeing
her overweight Lois runs into the murderer and he gets ready to
shoot her when Superman comes and catches him. Turns out he was
watching her the whole time for the muderer to show himself.
JOEL: [ Nodding ] I'm with you so far.
TOM: OK, but then Superman reveals Lois *wasn't* accidentally zapped
with the fat ray. He arranged for it to happen on purpose while
he used her -- without *telling* her -- as bait to drag out the
bad guy.
CROW: And he knew how to get her back to normal anytime he wanted.
TOM: So why did Superman want to do anything that changed how she
looked?
CROW: The fact is, putting aside his non-consenting use of her to trap
a crook, the Supester subjected the putative love of his life to
an experimental ray that did all sorts of screwball stuff to her
metabolism, inflicted who knows what long-term trauma to her
cardiac and skeletal systems, and blasted her self-esteem into
subatomic pieces, without even thinking to ask her...
TOM: And for absolutely no comprehensible reason other than he wanted
to watch her being fat!
JOEL: Well, hey, nothing wrong with liking a heavy-set girlfriend, right?
TOM: Nothing wrong with it, except what kind of *creep* do you have to
be to *mutate* your girlfriend to please your own eye?
CROW: Yeah! Where's the consideration? Where's the respect? What kind of
animals raised Superman anyway?
JOEL: That would be his foster parents, Jonathan and Martha Kent.
CROW: And could they not take a moment to explain to Clark he should ask
someone before transmogrifying her?
TOM: Isn't this basic, common courtesy?
JOEL: Guys, it's just an old comic book...you shouldn't try to read too
much into it.
[ MOVIE SIGN. General alarm. ]
JOEL: We gotta run, guys!
CROW: Oh, and don't get us *started* on the comic where Lois gets turned
into a witch!
TOM: Crow, come on!
[ 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. ]
[ ALL enter theater ]
TOM: And then right here in the back of the book, Batman and Superman
play this duel of mind-warping games in pursuit of some mad
birthday prank!
CROW: Not to mention the mermaid!
JOEL: I wouldn't.
> Whacked-out Querl Dox,
JOEL: [ Singing ] Querl Dox...a little dox'll do ya!
> who builds the machines
> that go berserk."
CROW: Just 'cause they accidentally blew up seventeen planets you think
I'm the problem.
> He pointed the electronic spanner at Jo
> viciously.
TOM: Heh...you know what he's *really* saying...
CROW: No, actually, I don't.
TOM: [ After a pause ] Me neither.
> "Supergirl died to save the universe from the
> Anti-Monitor.
CROW: Isn't that always the way?
> She was always risking her life to save
> others.
TOM: And vice-versa.
> That devotion...that selflessness shouldn't be
> allowed to perish from the universe before its time! She was
> only in her twenties...
JOEL: Oh, but that's actually in dog-twenties.
> who knows how long she could have
> lived, fighting all the time to save others."
TOM: Uhm...I'll say eight. No, ten. Definitely ten.
> He dropped his head and arm abruptly. "Not like me. I
> try to good, and what happens?
CROW: Maybe if he tried to great instead, things would average out?
> People die. I build the
> Earth's most powerful AI, and it rampages through Metropolis.
JOEL: That's Metropolis's fault, though, for not enacting those
no-rampaging-AI ordinances a few years back.
> Pulsar Stargrave uses my genius, and I channel all the
> universe's evil into Omega."
TOM: I set the VCR to tape "Pokemon" and it melts Spain.
> A broad arm gesture took in the
> Exchanger, the two flat bed with the powerful apparatus
> connecting them.
CROW: So this exchanger is pretty much your generic Two-Victim Bad
Guy Machine.
> "Once this is working again, I'll be able to
> transfer my life energy into Kara and bring her back to life.
JOEL: Even though everything else I've ever tried has screwed up
in horrible, terrifying ways.
> I'm willing to die to bring her back."
> _Dr. Frankenstein has entered the headquarters_, thought
> Jo. "Don't talk like that, Brainy.
TOM: Let's just cuddle instead.
> You don't really want to
> die. Is it really worth it?"
> "Ask Matter-Eater Lad,
CROW: Oh, he's the guy with the power to turn anything in the world
into garlic bread.
> who went insane because of me.
> Ask Duo Damsel, whose third body was killed by Computo.
JOEL: Fortunately Duo doesn't hold grudges.
> Ask
> the people whose homes were leveled by Omega, or whose loved
> ones he killed. They'd say it's a fair exchange."
> Jo held his hands up in a T. "All right, time out.
TOM: Offensive holding; ten yard penalty.
> Enough with the death talk for a moment, and for God's sake
> put down the spanner."
CROW: You have no idea where it's been.
> Jo's blue eyes met Brainy's yellow-
> and-green ones, and locked with them. Finally Brainy lowered
> his gaze and placed the spanner on a table.
TOM: Secretly unknown to Brainiac 5, Jo is his older brother Rex
who disappeared in the mountain ranges of Krypton several years
earlier.
> "Now. I understand that we aren't the best of friends.
> You've never been the type to pal around, and we tend to move
> in different circles.
JOEL: Plus there was that time you tore my brain out of my skull and
planted it in a large wolverine.
> But I know that it's difficult losing
> a loved one, and that's it's good to talk things out.
TOM: Yes, a bland, impersonal conversation with a casual acquaintance
helps you recover from losing the love of your life.
> Especially for someone like you,
CROW: Such as Benton Frazier's boss on "Due South."
> who keeps his feelings
> bottled up all the time.
> "Why are you having so much trouble accepting her death?
JOEL: 'Cause I wasn't there to sign for it and the delivery company's
a pain.
> Not to sound insensitive, but it wasn't exactly a surprise."
> Brainy kept his eyes on the floor for a while.
TOM: Hey...the wood trim isn't level.
> When he
> spoke, his voice was hoarse. "I loved Kara from the time we
> first met, at her membership trial.
CROW: I told her so after she got her first twelve CDs for a penny.
> I never stopped loving
> her during all the time she hardly ever came to the Thirtieth
> Century. I valued the short times I spent with her, knowing
JOEL: That if we stand on tippy-toes the times would seem taller.
> I wouldn't have very many of them.
> "It hurt when she decided not to pursue our romance any
> further.
TOM: It was like she had the idea I was some borderline-psychotic
mad scientist who keeps accidentally unleashing destruction on
the world.
> I went a little crazy then...you remember the
> Supergirl robot I built in my sleep?" Jo nodded.
CROW: Did you ever build a Supergirl robot in your sleep, Joel?
JOEL: I'll talk with you about that when you're older, dear.
> "And all
> that time I had to keep my distance a little, because she was
> living under a death sentence. It was like loving someone
> with a terminal disease, except that she didn't know it was
> coming...and I couldn't tell her.
TOM: Mind you, it is really hard to work into casual conversation.
> Knowledge of the future is
> a curse...it's why Superboy quit for a couple of years.
CROW: Er, why he's going to quit, next year.
> "I never learned to let my feelings out as a child--
> Coluans aren't encouraged to.
JOEL: And, by the way, I'm Coluan.
TOM: You know, when in Colua, you should do like the Coluans do.
> My parents were dead, and the
> other children resented my intelligence so much that I never
> made any friends.
CROW: The only guy who'd play with me was that Keith Aksland guy.
> I'd never had someone I could let myself
> open up to before. But I resented having this barrier
> between us,
TOM: And it hurt all the worse that it was the Cone of Silence.
> that I always knew we wouldn't have much longer,
> and she didn't. Perhaps if she had, she'd have visited more
> often, I thought, but telling her would be far too cruel.
JOEL: Unless I broke it to her with sock puppets. They make anything fun.
> It
> might also cause a paradox, and even I couldn't predict the
> results.
TOM: Heck, who couldn't call *that* one from miles away?
> "I hate feeling powerless, Jo. My whole scientific
> career has been devoting to pushing the limits of natural
> law.
JOEL: Except for that sabbatical year I spent developing new flavors
for Velveeta.
> Science tells us that time only moves forward, so I
> work on time travel.
CROW: Actually, it tells us the most probable sequence of events is
one which maximizes entropy, which is commonly interpreted to
represent the forward flow of time.
> Science tells us that tons of material
> can't be stored in a closet,
TOM: Unless you try.
> so I invent the storage
> tesseract. Science tells us that inanimate materials can't
> think--Blok notwithstanding--so I design a supercomputer.
JOEL: Science just keeps calling up late at night, snickering at me, and
hanging up.
> I
> don't like thinking that there are forces behind my control
> that I can't harness.
TOM: If we could just make the forces of nature run on a really
*big* hamster wheel...
> "I especially don't accept the idea of 'fate,' or
> whatever you want to call it.
CROW: OK. I want to call it "Destiny."
TOM: I want to call it "Thor."
JOEL: How about "Mookie?"
CROW: On second thought "Fate" is fine by me.
> Projectra or the White Witch
JOEL: Hey, they were bit characters on H.R. Pufnstuf.
> would call me hopelessly hard-headed and small-minded, but I
> can't accept that Kara had a predestined time to die, and
> that nothing could have been done to stop it.
CROW: I mean, c'mon, she's a superhero. They never die for more than
maybe two months at the outside.
> It's in my
> hands to reverse that." He cast a glance at the Exchanger.
> "Perhaps you don't understand--you and Phantom Girl have been
> together for years now."
> "I understand losing a loved one.
JOEL: I still have a shrine to my dead hamster Benny.
> Maybe you remember An
> Ryd? Y'know, the woman you killed and framed me for the
> murder?
TOM: [ As Brainiac 5 ] What, you're not over that yet?
> I know it wasn't your fault, but I still loved her
> once." Brainy bit his lip, and Jo decided to change the
> subject.
TOM: [ As Jo ] What do you think of ginger ale?
> "What about the paradox problem? I'm no temporal
> scientist like you, but I thought the history books couldn't
> be changed. History says that Supergirl died in 1985."
JOEL: 'Course, History also says Jay Ward was the 14th president
of the United States. I think it's drunk or something.
> "First of all, I don't think history is all that
> trustworthy. Supergirl was seen to die,
CROW: But heck, who hasn't been seen to die at least a couple times?
> but we all saw you
> killed in an explosion, too. As I recall, you returned in
> Superboy's body and calling yourself 'Reflecto.'
TOM: So he lost his sense of dignity in the explosion.
> While I
> don't pretend to understand that convoluted series of events,
> it tells me that Supergirl's perceived 'death' isn't
> incompatible with her living under an another name."
JOEL: As...uh...Superlady...woman...hero. Or something.
> Brainiac seemed to animate with the argument.
CROW: Sketch Quick Draw McGraw in only four easy moves.
> "Secondly,
> who says history is immutable?
JOEL: R. L. Stein, that's who.
> The Legion decided early on
> to go back in time and meet Supergirl, invite her to join us.
> Later on we did the same thing with Superboy.
TOM: Still later we traveled back in time to warn our younger
selves not to request "Clyde's Car Crusher" as a birthday present.
> Later on we
> found historical evidence that they'd time travelled
> occasionally.
CROW: The evidence for this being that the Sphinx suddenly resembled
Gleek the Wonder Monkey.
> Were the time trips predestined? As I said, I
> don't accept that. I believe history would heal itself,
JOEL: Or would wipe us out of existence. Whichever.
> and
> we'd come to accept that Supergirl miraculously returned to
> life, after she was thought dead. Alternatively, she could
> live in our century, causing no conflict with our history
> books."
TOM: Alternatively, she could move to Long Island and come into
the city for special occasions.
> Jo realized that Querl could run circles around him in
> temporal arguments. He decided to change his tactics.
CROW: [ As Jo ] If I invade Russia in winter it's bound to impress him!
> "All
> right, who says it'll even work? Lightning Lad
JOEL: A daring hero from the world of typing exercises.
> wasn't really
> dead when Proty used his life-force to revive him. I bet
> Mon-El wasn't really dead when Eltro Gand
CROW: [ Giggles ]
> used this Exchanger
> to do the same thing. It probably just has some sort of
> mysterious healing powers that bring people back from comas,
JOEL: Maybe even semicomas and the occasional parenthetical expression.
> and Supergirl isn't just in a coma. She's *dead*, and people
> don't come back from that. You wouldn't want to die for
> nothing."
CROW: Not that you'd be in a position to complain about it.
> "I never had a good chance to examine Garth, because he
> was quickly shoved in that glass coffin and put on display.
JOEL: It was cool.
> I suspect he was really dead, though, because how many people
> in comas survive for weeks without food or water?"
TOM: Uhm...nine. No, thirteen.
> Jo
> shrugged. "And Superboy will tell you that Mon-El was dead,
> too. Lead poisoning kills Daxamites quickly,
JOEL: And Mon-El was a professional Daxamatician.
> and there was
> no breathing and no pulse. 'Life-force' isn't something that
> can be isolated in a laboratory,
CROW: Unless it gets naughty and has to be grounded.
> but mystics like the White
> Witch will tell you that it exists. Although I reject terms
> like 'soul' that they would use,
JOEL: I also reject the term "pH balanced," so what do I know?
> the evidence requires me to
> agree with them."
TOM: That is to say, I reject the notion of a soul, but accept
wholeheartedly the evidence for it and the consequences
of that idea.
> "Not buying the arguments, I see. How about this? The
> Legion Constitution forbids killing.
CROW: Except for the badnasty jumpjumps.
> If you used this
> machine, you'd be killing yourself. That means you'd be
> kicked out of the Legion, and you don't want that, do you?"
TOM: You'd miss out on Meat Loaf Mondays.
> "That is the most illogical--" Brainy caught himself,
> and smiled slightly. "You're joking, of course."
JOEL: I have heard of these jokes; perhaps we might witness one someday.
> "A smile...there's hope for you. Look, are you still
> going to do this?"
CROW: I don't know; I have to wait for the zoning commission to meet.
> Brainy sighed. "Weighing the benefits and costs, I'm
> still forced to conclude that I'm willing to sacrifice
> everything for her."
CROW: Except my "McVote '86" commemorative glasses celebrating the
McD.L.T.
> "Wow...that's selfless, since you wouldn't be around to
> reap the benefits.
TOM: Unless she goes back in time to before when he's dead and
fulfills the relationship they didn't have because she didn't
know she'd be dead later on.
> I think I love Tinya that much, but I
> don't know if I'd be able to follow through. Think, though.
JOEL: Hong Kong Phooey and the cartoon Pac-Man had exactly the same
voice. Doesn't it make you wonder about the universe?
> You don't think it was right for Supergirl to die, even
> though it slowed the Anti-Monitor and possibly saved the
> lives of billions?"
> "No, of course not."
CROW: How about if she slowed the Anti-Monitor, saved the lives of
billions, and got you what's behind door number three?
TOM: Mmm...I'm thinking.
> "So it would be even less just if she died for just one
> life...even if it was yours."
> "No. She's too important to the universe, and to me."
CROW: Slowed the Anti-Monitor, saved the billions, door number three,
*and* five hundred dollars.
TOM: Uhm...no, not this time.
> "Then why do you think she would want you to reverse
> your positions? You may think you're below her, but I know
> she didn't.
CROW: All of the above, with *seven* hundred dollars.
TOM: Maybe...no, not gonna take it.
> Was she that selfish, to put herself on the same
> pedestal you put her on?"
> Brainy was caught flat-footed. "I--" He paused. "I never
> saw it like that. You have a point."
CROW: Last offer, slow the Anti-Monitor, save billions, door number
three, one *thousand* dollars and what's behind the box!
TOM: I'll take it! I'll take it!
> "Damn right I do. Look, Brainy, all the Legionnaires
> are willing to put our lives on the line for others,
JOEL: Except Ray. He is not working out.
> and she
> was no exception. But it shouldn't be robbed of its meaning,
TOM: Because heroism is negated by living afterwards.
> should it? All the dead Legionnaires gave their lives saving
> others. Ferro Lad...Invisible Kid...Chemical King...Karate
> Kid,
CROW: Actually, Ferro Lad just died of embarassment.
> just recently, and now Supergirl. Even Garth and
> Luornu's third body were willing to give up their lives if it
> meant protecting others.
TOM: Even if those others were the cast of "Jesse."
> "That doesn't mean that what you're trying isn't noble,
> of course.
JOEL: Just that it's loopy.
> It's just that those other deaths had some
> meaning, while you'd just be throwing your life away for
> someone who knew the risks she was taking.
CROW: So, if you become a superhero, you have to stop fighting the
inevitability of your own death.
> All of us liked
> Supergirl, but we like you too, believe it or not. It's not
> just a matter of weighing costs to the world--we'd miss you,
> and you'd be hurting a lot of people.
JOEL: 'Course, that's kind of balanced out by the people who won't be
accidentally killed by some goofy new invention of yours.
> Kara wouldn't have
> wanted that, and I don't think she'd want a second chance
> with a cost like that attached."
TOM: Maybe they could just keep the Exchanger and swap life-forces
every week?
> Querl was silent. He reached out to the corpse and
> stroked its hair while contemplating.
JOEL: Ew, is this danduff shampoo? What the heck is this? Are people
supposed to seep there?
> Finally he said, "My
> twelfth-level brain can't compute emotional equations. I
> think you've convinced me, though.
TOM: But we'll have to wait for my subcommittees to vote on it before
I can go ahead with a new plan of action.
> As long as I have the
> body here, there's one thing we can do, though."
CROW: Get the funny hat.
>
> * * * * *
>
> A group of Legionnaires stood on Shanghalla, the
> asteroid where the galaxy's greatest heroes are buried.
JOEL: Those buried preposthumously were most upset about it.
> All
> the active Legionnaires who'd known Supergirl were here,
> while those who hadn't--all the new members except Polar Boy
> and, surprisingly, Sensor Girl--remained to guard Earth.
CROW: Ooh, that Sensor Girl...one surprise after another.
> The
> others were gathered in the shadow of the Ferro Lad memorial
> to pay their final respects.
TOM: [ Whispering ] Psst! Did you bring the poem magnets?
> Brainiac 5 stood before the hole Element Lad's powers
> had created. "The Twentieth Century has already paid its
> respects to one of its greatest heroes,
CROW: Back around the first couple times that Superman died.
> but I doubt they
> would deny us the chance for our own personal observance,"
JOEL: Even one made possible by grave robbing and borderline necrophilia.
> he
> said, his eyes on the black coffin embossed with the "S"
> symbol.
TOM: Ahem. Chuckles loved to laugh...tears were abhorrent to him...
> "All of us knew Supergirl, and fought alongside her.
JOEL: Except for *you*, Ray.
> We were her friends--some of us were more.
TOM: Some of us were androids she constructed in her sleep, too.
> "I am very poor at emotional speeches, as some of you
> know." Jo caught his eye briefly and smiled encouragingly.
JOEL: [ As Jo ] You're doing a great job saying stuff that couldn't
be said at every other eulogy ever delivered.
> "It's difficult to put Supergirl's value to the universe into
> words.
CROW: Watch me try. "Slookelty bopplenerf weantroolub blix." See how
difficult it is?
> Moreover, I know each of you have your own special
> memories of her. I would suggest we pause a moment and
> remember Kara."
TOM: HmmmmmmmMMMMMM...There! I'm done. What did you get?
> The group was silent for a minute. Some Legionnaires
> smiled as they remembered her; some cried softly; a few were
> incapable of showing their emotions on their faces.
JOEL: Some of the Legionnaires didn't even exist.
> Brainiac
> 5 was stoic throughout.
> He broke into the reverie by putting his hand on the
> coffin. "Farewell, Kara. We will never forget you."
TOM: [ Stage whisper ] Who's Kara?
CROW: [ As above ] I think we're in the wrong room.
> He
> turned to the pallbearers and said, "You may commence."
> As Mon-El and Timber Wolf lowered the coffin into the
> ground, Element Lad prepared to fill in the grave again.
JOEL: Real friends show love by synthesizing manganese.
> Blok placed a block of marble at the head of the grave, and
> rumbled, "Wait until I am out of the way before you begin
> carving, Wildfire."
> "Hey, I'm always careful," said the energy man.
CROW: [ As Wildfire ] So -- white or dark meat?
> He
> raised an arm of his containment suit and, with a tightly
> controlled beam of energy,
TOM: Is that the blue hand-ray or the red hand-ray?
JOEL: It's the green hand-ray.
> carved words into the surface of
> the stone:
>
> Here Lies
>
> SUPERGIRL
>
> Kara Zor-El
>
> Linda Lee Danvers
TOM: Caroline Rhea.
JOEL: Angela "Scoop" Quickly.
CROW: Wheelie *and* the Chopper Bunch.
>
> Legionnaire and Friend
>
>
> When the burial was complete, the group split up.
JOEL: So, uh, wanna hit Big Stosh's?
CROW: Knockwurst bar open?
JOEL: You bet.
> Jo
> and Tinya approached Brainy, who was still standing by the
> grave.
> "Great speech, man," Jo said, laying his hand on
> Brainy's shoulder. Tinya gently put her hand on his arm.
CROW: It's a slow-motion tackle.
> "Opening up like that was the bravest thing I've seen you do,
> Brainy.
JOEL: He opened up?
TOM: Yeah, didn't you notice his eye twitching?
> I'm glad to see you're coming to terms with this."
> "Indeed." He raised his eyes from the grave to the
> stars. "I was able to fight my obsessive tendencies for once,
TOM: And nobody new got killed by them.
> which is probably just as well. Who knows what might have
> gone wrong with the Exchanger?
CROW: He could have ended up with the body of a chicken and the mind
of a Power Puff Girl.
> "We should make haste. There won't be room on the
> Legion cruisers if we stay here to long."
JOEL: Rush hour is horrible around these desolate cemetary asteroids.
> They hurried
> towards the spaceship, leaving the asteroid's memorials to
> departed heroes behind them.
CROW: They tried taking the memorials with them but realized that was
dumb.
> [Credit where credit is due dep't:
TOM: Ooh, it's the introduction to a Mad Magazine article.
CROW: I love these.
> Superman's speech is
> quoted from CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #7,
JOEL: Except on Earth Two, where it was Crisis On Infinite Earths #9.
> and was written by
> Marv Wolfman. The Exchanger was created by Jim Shooter,
CROW: Yeah -- on a dare.
> based on a concept by Jerry Siegel. The initial inspiration
> for this story came from LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES (third
> series) #16,
TOM: Or maybe sixteenth series, number three...it's hard to keep track.
> written by Paul Levitz.]
JOEL: You'll love it, Paul Levitz!
CROW: And that's a wrap.
[ 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. ]
[ SOL DESK. JOEL is standing, a little embarassed, in a Superman-style
costume with a cursive 'J' at the center. He looks around, puts
his arms out and starts a tiny hop. CROW and TOM enter from the
right. ]
JOEL: [ Noticing them, slapping his arms to his side ] Aaugh!
CROW: Uhm...Joel?
JOEL: No, no, citizen. I do not know this "Joel" of whom you speak.
TOM: Joel, you're just embarassing yourself now.
JOEL: I am not Joel! I am a friendly but powerful being from another
star, here to help save you from your imminent peril.
CROW: That's nice, honey, but we're not in any imminent peril.
TOM: The story's already done, remember? And you're going to embarass
*us* if you keep that up.
JOEL: [ Crestfallen ] Aw, c'mon, guys. Do you have to be so cynical?
CROW: I'm not saying it's a bad look for you, you understand.
JOEL: Why not be silly? What's it going to hurt? What kind of a world
do we live in if whimsy, if silliness, if daydreams are rudely
and immediately squashed flat? Is a world without levity worth
getting out of bed for?
TOM: We're not calling for the death of the imaginative spirit, we're
just asking that it show some dignity.
CROW: Can I be your sidekick?
JOEL: Of course, Crow. We'll pick out a sensible yet identity-concealing
costume for you right after we're done with this. [ JOEL pats
CROW on the head. ]
TOM: Crow! You're betraying your trust as a keeper of public decorum
and sensible frivolity!
CROW: Yeah, but it's fun.
TOM: But...but I...I...
JOEL: Aw, c'mon, Tom. Join the legion.
TOM: [ Sobbing, and leaning into JOEL ] I will, I will.
JOEL: [ Hugging and patting TOM ] That's a good robot. [ Looking to the
camera ] What do you think, sirs?
[ DEEP 13. DR. FORRESTER is studying TV'S FRANK's snow brain. ]
FRANK: I'm so...woozy...
DR. F: Ah, yes, I think I see the problem... [ Noticing JOEL ] Ah, yes,
Joel, a fine costume. I'll be sure to whip up a hearty
Kryptonite cheesecake to help you celebrate.
[ DR. FORRESTER takes out a container of fish food, pops open the top of
FRANK's snow brain, and sprinkles some food in. ]
FRANK: [ Sighs happily ]
DR. F: Until next time, Silverhawks...push the button, Frank.
FRANK: Can I do it with my mind?
DR. F: Oh, if you insist.
[ FRANK leans over, hitting his head on the desk. ]
\ | /
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---o---
/|\
/ | \
/ | \
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and Copyright to Best Brains, Inc. The Legion of
Superheroes is Copyright DC Comics, a subsidiary of Time Warner, a
corporation so vast and powerful if it wanted it could have all traces
of my existence wiped out.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment only;
no infringement on or challenge to the copyrights and trademarks held
by Best Brains or DC Comics is intended or should be inferred. The
stories "Dreams of a Lost Past" and "Loss" are by Doug Atkinson and
are used with permission. Whatever original material is in this MST3K
fanfic is the creation of Joseph Nebus. This MiSTing is meant solely
for personal entertainment and is not intended to be an insult to the
creators or fans of the Legion of Superheros, Mystery Scence Theater
3000, the Game Show Network, or the Silverhawks. Discontinue use if
rash persists.
The midshow sketch started out as the introductory piece, and only moved
when I had no ideas for the midshow sketch, and could steal an
introduction
from another MiSTing I'm procrastinating. Sorry if it seems weird.
> Brainiac 5 looked at Jo with undisguised hostility. "I'm
> working on a private project, Ultra Boy. Leave me alone."
|
